uNkn0wN faCts

2011-03-16T20:34:00.002+08:00

Random blog posting interest.

Came to school earlier to meet Audrey and do work. Not very productive even though I came to school, the mood just weren't right.

Stayed back after school to do a short discussion with May, Jumana, Linda and Beeying.. For parent group survey.. Not bad, quite efficient in coming up with the questions.. :) and not long after, I joined Caiyan at Atrium to continue working on assignments and typing out the interview questions for everyone.

*If anyone is reading this, I'm quite nervous. I need reassurance with regards to my ability to drive (since I'm taking the test tomorrow). I have yet to let anyone in on the details of when my practical test is, and all that I mentioned is that I would inform them when I pass, and if there is no news from me, they can effectively guessed that I have failed my first practical test. I believe that I have no problems with driving on public road, and the only worry that I have is towards vertical parking, and maybe a little of S-course and Crank-course.*
I know I can do well, and I believe I can do it. I will pass it with one attempt and the first person whom I will inform is RISHINA! LONG TERM ~~GOOD~~ BEST Friend! :)

2011-03-07T01:34:00.002+08:00

Anxiety Attack.
I hate Action Research. I seriously do.
I'm not reflective enough, I'm sorry.

Hate monday. I don't look forward to going to school at ALL!

2011-02-05T03:10:00.002+08:00

Although I've already learned this things already, I re-learned them when my friends spoke to me.

I might be the only one who understands myself best, but I am also the one who least understands myself.

Being impulsive is my trademark. Being rash and violent is what I'm used to.
How can I change myself to become a better person? How can I change myself to not be so impulsive and rash? How can I make life better for myself, for people around me and people who do care for me?

Instead of expecting the world to change for me, it is more realistic for me to change myself.

2010-12-10T12:44:00.002+08:00

Recent events made me think more. Think deeper.
While I console others on how to face problems and life in a more positive way, I don't usually practice it myself. Is it really easier to preach than to practice?

2010-12-05T15:12:00.001+08:00

学业与工作，为什么两者都不好玩。。

2010-12-05T15:10:00.001+08:00

做不完的工作，让我期待假期。

2010-11-11T11:41:00.002+08:00

工作大概永远只有一两句话来形容。一切都很闷，做不完的工作，压在肩膀上，经常让人透不过气。明明我只是一位小职员，不必参加任何会议的，结果现在的我却得陪她们到不同的地方开会。原本好玩的工作变得较无趣和繁琐了。

工作量的增加也并不代表着薪金的增加。。有时还庆幸自己还有些学生的福利，否则转回来的钱都不够付车资。哈哈。工作时抱怨永远都不会完的，只有在回到学校时才会觉得工作时的自由比较好。现在我只期待休息一两天的时间，让自己到邻国旅游几天，休息几天。在开学之前我只想好好的享受几天，舒舒服服的休息，为即将展开的战役做好准备。。

*叮咛自己的一些话。。别在上班时间上博客。更别在上班时间上博客说自己的工作到底有多无聊。。哈哈

2010-10-04T00:25:00.002+08:00

首先，我应该先向我的好朋友讲一声生日快乐。今年是她的21岁生日，跟我的一样，只是她的生日比我的迟大概5个月。今天也有很多其他人的生日但是，我就只祝贺了她和其他两位朋友。今天本来是想找她出去吃好料的，但是因为我的老爸，临时决定要去马来西亚，临时又不去了，结果不止没能陪她庆祝（顺便整一整她），我还呆在家乖乖的整理房间的东西。晚上本想找她来我家吃螃蟹米粉的，但是因为家人都有回来吃，结果我最终也没叫上她。

哈哈，虽然不能在她生日当天帮她庆祝，我还是会找多一天，请她出去吃好料（第一次尝试那家店的食物，所以我们都是试验的老鼠。)。希望她天天开心，天天快乐。身体也要健康（谁叫她，２１岁而已就经常生病，经常得去找医生看诊。

喂！［你会读到我写的东西吗？会的话，继续读下去吧。。］我们现在每次见面都是吃东西，喝东西。我们好久没一起运动了。虽然我知道你；１．吃不肥，２．身体不适宜运动，但是下次我们出去还是应该做一些比较健康的事。你不会胖，或你连标准体重都不到，但是我会胖的。。所以，下次，除了在看电影，我们还应该做些较健康的活动。２１岁了，总觉得在不动就会老的更快，所以我们该加油，减缓老化的现象，保持年轻人应有的态度。

晚了，也该是我睡觉的时候了。明天就开始做工了，不知道是好是坏。不知道我到底应该期望什么，毕竟都有多久没回去了。哈哈，明天自然就会揭晓了，晚安！

2010-09-25T08:17:00.002+08:00

I feel like escaping into a world without anyone without anything to do and without any work to care. Wonder whether I overworked my brain or if it's just plainly due to the lack to sleep. I can't concentrate on anything I do. I can't think critically. I'm super not productive. I don't like to be a rider for assignment, I feel guilty for being one, yet currently I have no solution to resolving the fact that I'm not contributing sufficient ideas to the important assignment. This is going to be a long fight, I need to start my brain on thinking about it more, but why? How come nothing is coming out from all the thinking?

I'm seriously hating it and hating myself for it. What have I truly accomplished over this 15 years of student life? What have I gained that I would proudly share? Why do I think that I'm still nowhere in life, aimless and without a goal and a plan of route in mind.

I don't like my brain to not be working, I don't like to spend time thinking yet nothing valuable comes out. I SERIOUSLY DON'T LIKE IT!! =(

2010-08-25T00:14:00.003+08:00

You quarreled with me, and the reason that you used were that it doesn't matter since your value isn't appreciated since you stay at home lesser and lesser and I do not value it. At that point of time, the issue didn't even concerned whether you stayed and spent most of your time at home. With you always raising the point that you are not being cared for enough and that dad and mum practiced favoritism towards me, did you spend even a split second or a second reflecting on what you did instead of just thinking on your own accord.

Mum is always doing the same thing over and over again, cleaning the room (as she deem as cleaning which doesn't reflect the room of being cleaned at all, tidying the room when it is only messier to begin with), and all you did is to side her whenever she does that. Whenever she does that, it only results to quarrels between me and her, and what you always do is saying that

I'm the one at fault and I should be keeping the place clean. Do you ever realize that I'm still considered sharing the room with you, and your things are also in the room? Did you ever realize that the load of stuff in front of my cupboard all belonged to you? You said that the room were messy, did you even put in the effort to clean your side of the room? If you were to even observed, I cleaned up the room when I came back from Boston, when you apparently didn't even spend much time at home when I weren't around, therefore not even realizing when the layout of the room changed.

You never remembered how you cursed, swear and scolded mum when she misplaced your stuffs after she cleared the room. You never remembered how badly you reacted unless you suddenly realized that one of your things is missing. And for a person like you, I do not need you to comment on how I react, and how I should think from her point of view. Saying is easy, everyone can just shoot their mouth off and not have any actions taken, but I cleared, I made the effort, why can't you be objective for once and look at the FACTS! FUCK OFF if this is the case, since you mentioned that you'd eventually move out and all the fuck and all the shit, just start shifting everything to his place.

I have a dad who is reasonable, although he is super traditional, stubborn and bad tempered. Even though he would also support what my mum does, he is still reasonable as he listens to what I say and takes my opinion into serious consideration. He realizes and sees the fact that nothing is changed despite all the shifting of the furnitures, he notices that my reaction to all the things is not unreasonable, and he sees me taking the effort to control and take charge of my temper. Sis came back in the middle of the night just to continue siding with her, if you were to do it this way, you might as well not come back and become unreasonable as well? Dealing with classes from 2 to 6pm and reaching home at 7+pm is already bad and tiring as it is, why can't she just be more objective and reasonable. You kept reminding me that I'm already 21 years old, and I should be more matured in thinking, but through the process reminding, can you start reflecting on it and if you do, you'll realize that you're actually being very childish, self-centered and egoistic too. I talked about respect, but you did not understand it at all and you did not bothered to even listen to it. It's because I take ownership of the room that's why I care about how my room is being transformed. It's because I take ownership of the room that I want respect of taking care of it by myself. If I'm staying in a hotel or a hostel, I wouldn't be as bothered about how it's being transformed because I have no control over it. Since this is my home, a part of my daily life and my ROOM, I should have a say in every changes with the room right. Everything is as simple as this, 'respect', the only word which is missing, is raised and no one except dad understands the need for that sense of respect.

吵架时，你说你的意见不被我尊重的原因是因为你在家里的时间比我少。这让我反省，可能你永远都不会发现到这一些，因为你的眼里和脑里永远都只认为你是对的，而当你自认是错的时候，你就是非不分的不听任何解释，把事实都忽视掉。你的反应和理由让我发现了你的不安，觉得自己在家里不被重视，但是你可发现，其实从那天争吵开始到最后，我从来都没有说过任何不尊重你的话，没有说过任何一句因为你很少在家所以没有资格讲话的话语。为了捍卫你在房间的东西和地位，我想了想和爸要求要把房门锁起，以避免妈在随意进入我们的房间。而当我告诉你一切决定的时候，你说， “对，是时候整理房间了” 为什么你却不自己会来整理看看，再给予任何意见时，你是否应该先做些东西？

2010-04-27T05:56:00.002+08:00

生病了。。发高烧。。高至39.7度。。连续第二天39.7 度了。。感觉像是头脑要被烧坏了。。

although i was feeling great during my grandma's 70th birthday celebration, i felt terrible when i returned home after the celebration... headache and muscle ache... whole body ache... as i usually have a strong build, i thought that i would recover after sleeping through the night, hence i did not take any medicine and i just tried to sleep through the night.. apparently, the truth proved otherwise, woke up in the morning with slight fever, which slowly rose to 39.7deg.. for the whole day, it stayed constant at 39.7 deg, and because i seriously have no strength to do anything and i did not have any appetite, i skipped breakfast and lunch, and waited until night time when my dad packed food for me, then i had my dinner..

tried to sleep again at night, but somehow, i can never get to sleep whenever i properly lie down. no matter when, it's just so cold.. even lying on bed, hiding under blanket and not switching on the fan or aircon.. i can still feel the coldness and i wasn't even able to sweat.. after waking up like once every hour, i finally gave up and stopped trying to get back to sleep... temperature still not dropping.. hais.. ate panadol and drank lot lot lots of water... end up i finally sweat... HAHA!! temperature finally dropped~ 39.7deg to 38.0deg between 2hrs... finally managed to sleep peacefully, when the temperature dropped till 37.5deg.. just when i thought i was sleeping well, i woke up at around 2+ bahs.. then temperature rose again till 38.5deg..

oh my shitting god.. i cannot stand it anymore... fluctuating temperature likes stock market... plot graph seriously like up and down... haha... hopefully now that the temperature has dropped to somewhat healthy range, it can be maintained within this range, and not rise up anymore...

2010-04-23T00:20:00.002+08:00

人，生存的目的到底是为了什么？为什么做自己都能那么累。。人到底是为了自己而活还是为了别人的期待而活？

我只想要做自己，为什么会那么难？

我越来越喜欢存活在过去式的记忆。小学玩乐的时光，不受约束。。中学欢乐的时光，结交好友。。虽然是不同的时间，但是我都在做自己，真正的自己。。

朋友们。请仔细的看我是谁，我没有你们想象中的那么好。别老是把你们对我的期望，强加在我身上。你们对我的期待，是无形的压力。

“该读的人，读不到。不必读的人，读了就算吧。就当我在发牢骚。。”

[私人的部落格还是比较好。别问为何，纯粹为了个人隐私。]

2010-04-11T21:08:00.002+08:00

头脑快要爆炸了。。。不断收到的所有坏消息，让我放不下心来。。

有很多的事情，我不说，我不做，并不代表我没被影响到。。不是所有的事都要讲的一清二楚的，若有心的人，自然而然就会设法去了解，去帮助。。

我后悔了。。怎么办？

我想要去，但是我能吗？

我是不是在自找麻烦。。。？

天啊，为什么我会有那么多的疑问，为什么我会有那么多的不愉快。。

希望能尽快整理好思绪。。。。

2010-04-09T21:23:00.002+08:00

this week super sians.. i'm super duper unlucky...

for those who read, for those who noe...
sunday i killed my own laptop, motherboard crash... (after fixing it for 4 days..)
monday, i killed the laptop that i borrowed from qinghui... (QINGHUI!! SUPER SORRY)
**imagine after killing ACER, i killed IBM**
tuesday, just before portfolio interview, i cut my finger when i was preparing for the portfolio at a glance.. not small small cut worh.. i cut a piece of flesh off, one hole on my left index finger... super pain.. thanks to this people!!!! caiyan - helping me buy bottle of water when i felt like fainting (loss too much blood at one shot (really a lot), it helped me regain consciousness when i was looking at stars at 2pm.. may leong - helpin me apply IODINE... even though i felt like shit when she was applying.. (both before and after) it was damn painful, but somehow it helped my wound stop bleeding after an hr... secondly, she force me to wash the wound with water and disinfect with iodine.. so although it was freaking pain.. it was helpful, so thanks... lastly, also thanks to Juliana (lecturer) for giving me tissue when the blood was dripping out from the handiplast and onto my portfolio.. and somemore, not penalizing me for it... -.-"
wednesday... thanks bro for helping me change the wound's dressing... though it hurt like hell and bled again.. just when i thought about how unlucky i was from sun to tues, i nearly fell into the drain on wed.. *luckily i didn't in the end, if not seriously damn sians*..
thursday... presentation day.. horrible day for i got locked outside for being late for 10mins.. aniwae, i was thinkin lo.. i'm not the latest, and i'm the earliest among those who are late.... hmm, though i seriously tried to change my view about her, it seem so hard to change since she keeps doing things that irritates the whole class.. even with assignments and her weird standards... what's lucky though is that ytd was her last class, meaning we might not need to see her again.. :)
friday no need to go school, but then it was a super bad day... first went to do specs, second went to see doc for the finger (doc give anti-biotic, but then wrapped hand for 3 days.. can't remove the bandage).. can't bend, can't touch water, can't touch it... shit... but now left index finger will have hole... no choice.. but nvm la... better then the need to chop chop.. third thingy shan't bother to sae.. hais.. bad mood whole day...

think i shall upload the photo of my finger soon... hmm, esp since the bandage around it now is like bigger.. hmm, see when free to do so lo... ;) thanks to all who cared (ALL WHEELOCK GIRLS WHO ASKED ME TO TAKE CARE) :)

2010-03-16T23:37:00.005+08:00

Just a simple update...

Firstly, MOMO's MISS LEONG MIN ZHI, MAY's 21st birthday, 23 February 2010 was celebrated on the 21st February 2010, together with other MOMO members, her family members and her friends (classmates, SOKA etc.....) Although we had fun altogether for a while, because the other MOMO members needed to leave early, I believe that May still managed to have LOTS of FUN with everyone that went. HAHA!! :) Thanks for inviting, and HAPPY 21ST!!
[[I shall not forget dear MISS NASYITAH too!! Reason to why? It's BECAUSE her 21st birthday was on the 21st February 2010!! Therefore HAPPY 21ST to NASYITAH TOO!! Hope the call, the birthday song, and all the random wishes being shouted across my phone came as a SURPRISE :)]

Secondly, IT Show recently, I finally managed to get a new camera, that will belong to me... :) Main function is all available, and it's a Slim Samsung ST60. Maybe I will start taking more photographs and upload it accordingly...

Thirdly, Dearest MISS NURULLASSLINDA's 21st birthday, 14 March 2010 was celebrated with dinner and clubbing. Though I heard that it didn't really end very well, I hope that she did enjoyed herself at least for most of the time, and I believe she understands the intention and point of view where the others are coming from.. HAPPY 21ST!!

[[天下无不散之筵席。。。虽然我不会说我懂得很多。。但是我认为朋友之间最重要的莫过于珍惜对方，并努力维持一段友谊。。]]

2010-02-10T20:55:00.002+08:00

i should head home early tonite.. i've totally lost focus and concentration... XD

情绪的发泄。。

2010-02-08T17:39:00.005+08:00

自己其实已经稍微把不爽的情绪发泄出来了。。方法很简单，就是躲起来大大声地听歌，然后用拳头打墙壁，把所有的不爽都发泄在墙上。。快要气到爆炸了。。

我很讨厌自己现在的立场，你们很没有理由的认为我人品很好，不管我怎么说我不好，你们都不相信我。。为什么你们那么喜欢把自己对我的看法强套在我身上? 别老是说我不发表我的看法，想想看当我说的时候，到底有没有人去注意听？我为什么会不讲了呢？是因为讲了也没用，所以我干脆从头开始就什么都不说。。省时省力。。

你们总是想做什么就做，完全没有考虑别人的想法。你高兴时就说你想听我上前演讲，我就得因为你的一句话，心不甘，情不愿的上前演讲吗？为什么你们要那么独裁？为什么别人都因为你的一句话，而不开心。若你从一开始就说，要我上前演讲是所有人一起做出的决定，我认为我还不会那么的气，就因为你爽，所以我就得上去。。那是什么道理。为什么你喜欢选谁，那人就得无辜的因为你的一句话而上去。。我们难道都失去了自己的发言权吗？

你就可以自己说不想上前演讲而不讲，那你为什么这么喜欢帮别人算做决定，做选择呢？她替我说了我不想去讲，你的第一句话就是，“Edwina，做什么？” 我想请问你一下，这是我的错吗。。？我完全没有权利选择，就因你的一句话，我就得上台讲话吗？当你知道我不想上前演讲时，你的第一的反应又是叫Jaime去讲。。特别趁着她还在上厕所的时候，你有独裁的为她做了选择。。若现在换别人趁你在厕所时，毫无原因的决定你要去做一件事，你会有何感想。。

请你反省反省，别把自己不喜欢做的苦工丢给别人做。。若你有的选择，为什么别人会没有？我努力的压抑自己的脾气，把自己弄得好辛苦，好难受。。不说出口的不愉快是为了维持这段容易破碎的友情，但是难道我什么都不说，我什么都忍气吞声，你就能够为所欲为吗？一段友谊不只需要单方面的付出，若你只想要当那个接收但不付出的人，那我另可没有你这位朋友。。我不说并不代表我不会生气。。我会什么都不说的理由也只是因为我们的友谊还太脆弱了。。若有闪失就会破裂。。而那是我最不想看见的事，所以请你也一起努力。。不要让自己一个人努力的维持，我总有一天也会放弃的。。我累了。。这段友情经过了一年还是没有坚固一些。。我好想放弃，你知道吗？？

2010-02-07T10:14:00.000+08:00

maybe it's just time for me to move on...

2010-01-25T01:55:00.003+08:00

对不起。。这句话是对我的天使妹妹说的。。我对你说了不管几时，只要你需要我，我一定会尽我所能得帮忙。。这是ＶＩＰ的待遇。。　但是今天，我失信于你。。在你找我时，我既然没有及时回复你。。再次，我想对你说声对不起。。希望你会读到。。

希望你明天打开电话时会看见我的简讯，因而，打通电话给我。。若你什么都不想说，那就不说，但是至少让我知道你安全，让我放心。。

“读了你部落格的内容后，我真的想了很久。。善良的你，到底可能做了什么恶劣的事情，为什么你会把自己形容的那么不好，为什么你只看的见你可能需要改进的地方，而从不想想你的长处，你的优点？小妹，尽量别把坏的事情，用放大镜放大来看，只要换个角度来看问题，你就会发现世界其实没有想象中的坏。。就因为你有很多的优点，别人才会喜欢围绕在你身旁，就因为你有传染开心病毒的本领，所以每个人都想要和你做朋友。。希望你现在已经安全的在休息了。。晚安。。”

2010-01-19T20:23:00.003+08:00

In effort to complete my assignment of analyzing my children's writing in school, at the space outside Wheelock Office, a huge group of people came and disrupted the whole peacefulness in that corner. As i overheard (not on purpose), they are suppose to be there to do a debrief, but end up they were playing and making alot of NOISE!! The two biggest crime! Firstly, they saw people here doing assignment, yet they are inconsiderate and making a lot of noise. Secondly, there were lecturers and yet they did not say anything, even the simplest thing about carrying a chair, why are there so many guys around, and yet they cannot even have the slightest initiative to lift the chair up instead of dragging the chair around? NO COMMON SENSE!! Sorry I'm really criticising, but it's truly because I'm very irritated by their actions (especially when I already plugged in my earpiece to block out unwanted noise, yet the noise that they create can still get into my earpiece and make me seriously pissed off..) No personal intention of attacking the course that they belong to, but seriously, if the person that I deem as the facilitator is really the lecturer, I'd like to tell you that you seriously failed to keep your students in hand..
[an irritated and pissed off Edwina typed this!!]

Next, just a random note.. Despite the noise level, I managed to finish and edit my Reading Reflection and Role of Mentor Reflection within 30 minutes!! :) Gonna print it out later :)

Another random short post.... 'Is it really karma? Ju says it is..."
Firstly, on Sunday night (17th January 2010), a unit that is a few level under my house caught fire and was burning away, causing us to have the need to evacuate out of the house. Initially, I felt that Singaporeans are still good in a way, because when there is a fire, everyone on the level informs one another about it, and warns them to be careful. However, on the other hand, there were also a lot of typical Singaporeans who keep taking photographs of the incident from the opposite block of flats.

Although there was a fire burning downstairs, I continued reading my notes outside my house, without really evacuating downstairs, because 2 assignments were due the next day and I felt that it was actually safe to remain outside of my house (though it might be the wrong practice.. little children, don't learn..) Through this incident, I also saw the different reactions that people have towards such issues. An example, a Philippines asked everyone that she saw whether the whole building would burn down, and she even explained to me that she is alone in Singapore and it is the first time she stayed in a HDB Flat.. Although I reassured that it was only that unit on fire, and no other unit would be burnt down, she were still apprehensive and she continued to approach all other people whom she saw along the way. Another lady who was funny was also a foreigner, because she went down the first moment when the fire broke out.. Although that was the right thing to do, she came back up when she noticed that the SCDF did not reach yet to put out the fire. In the end, she went home, packed her luggage and CARRIED it DOWN!! LV LUGGAGE!! no joke..

Somehow, it amuse me to see the different reactions of the people when they are faced with accidents.

2010-01-14T14:47:00.002+08:00

Second week, fourth day of school reopen...

Updating once in a while... when I have more free time :) Anyway, the situation now is studying and read textbooks everyday.. every single day.. sounds quite hardworking right, but it's a must for me to do so, and therefore I do not have much of a choice.

Approximately 6 assignments due each week, and out of that, at least 4 are reflections, that explains the reason for all the reading and hopefully I get to rest for awhile every weekend... :)) What I hope is to get ahead of time and complete my assignments, this is in order for me to rest well and not sleep in the middle of the night.

I'll be training soon again, going to jog once in a while... :) 31 Jan going for 'Run for My Lunch' event, therefore, I better train a little before I die after running 3km :D

2010-01-06T01:32:00.002+08:00

life's been fun during the last week of holiday.. however, all the fun moments definitely has an end to it as well... so before i update again on how life has been fun.. i shall just do a quick update on what i'm thinking about now.. LOL..

i'm so so so so distracted.. tired.. and sleepy..
reason being:
1. sleep too early recently.. so routine wise, i start feeling sleepy relatively early too..
2. lessons all very early... so need to wake up extremely early too.. X(
3. i'm surfing the net in order to keep myself awake to complete the 4 assignments which is due tomorrow.. but after staying awake, i'm distracted from working on my essay.. (SHIT!!!)
4. to worsen the situation.. i'm now here blogging.. therefore, as you can see, i'm not doing my work..

in conclusion.. i've been stuck on this assignment of my for the past 1hr, and i did not make much progress, not to say that i have 2 more pages to go..

*it's only the second day (or should i say third since it's 1.38am) school has reopened.. yet there are 4 assignments due on the third day.. HAHA.. aint i just lucky... xp

**coping with stress is an important lesson one should seriously learn more about.. :D

2009-12-06T23:11:00.002+08:00

As I'm back to my boring working life, all the way till the one week before school reopens, I stopped updating though there were still some times when I felt like updating.. Truthfully, I enjoy working time with children although it's tiring, as compared to working with adults, it's truthfully a lot more fun and easier, as you do not have to really worry about a lot of things, and every child's smile and laughter is capable of taking away all the worries, tiredness and unhappiness in an individual.

Some incidents which made me smiled and laughed to myself..
- One fateful day when I was taking the lift with one other family (dad, mum and one little girl).. My watch gave out a chime sound, as it was 8pm sharp... Upon hearing the sound, the little girl got curious and she looked at me, and asked her mum, "What sound is that? Where did it come from?" The mum replied to the little girl saying,"It's jiejie watch." Although to older kids, that answer would have been enough, to that little girl, I think she's much too curious to settle for that answer, so even when the door of the lift opened up, she did not leave the lift, instead her mum got to pull her out of the lift, while she continued to ask.. "Mummy, so where is jiejie's mummy? Why is she taking the lift alone?" Haha.. By then I had wanted to laugh out, for the little girl is seriously being so cute, and the mummy did not have any more answers to her questions.. Although I left the lift without saying anything, other than just smiling to the little girl and her family, I carried on smiling to myself after they were out of sight, and I kept thinking about the questions that the little girl asked. Maybe to others, it's just a random little girl asking questions, but when I heard those questions after working for a long day, it kind of brighten up my day..

To hear the innocent little girl ask those question out of the blue, and the fact that after thinking about it, I also do not have a good answer for her question, I realized sometimes the random questions can seriously be good thoughts..

Reflection of the day:
Why is it always so that when humans grow up, they tend to overlook the minor details and events happening in life, while they put their focus on all the negative and meaningless events that happens?
Conclusion of the day:
I guess I should start focusing my attention on the good little things happening now, rather than enlarge the sad and unhappy moments. :)

虽然我才刚刚说服自己要常常往好的方面想事情，但是我才刚因为一件事和父母吵架。。他们说我的态度很差，那是因为他们是我家人的原因吗？所以我才敢把自己真正的脾气释放出来吗？还是他们实在是让我生气到不行了，我才发脾气的。。有时候我真的不了解自己在想些什么，为什么我总是会在家里发脾气？为什么我对待家人的时候，总是没有耐心，而且还比平常来的不通情达理。。　

2009-11-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

今天工作得好累好累哦，一大清早就起床准备去工作。。但因为我早上不是去办公室，所以我跑到了我该去的地方报道。。虽然我很喜欢和小孩子们一起工作，但是有时候我还是会觉得好累哦。。我虽然不会因为累，而觉得和小孩子一起工作不好玩，但是，事实让我发现我变老了。。是我跟不上小孩子们的步伐，不是他们的体力过盛，是我的精力已经不足够应付小孩子们了。。

我爱小孩子，喜欢和他们接触。但是今天我只在那个学校一天，所以我能够很确定的说，我会想念他们的。。毕竟今天他们给我的回忆是其他小孩子不能代替的。。注意，是‘他’哦。。因为今天的小孩，全都是小男生，所以，我会特别想念‘他们’的。

今天会家之前，我问了公司里的另一位同事（一位比较像姐姐的人）她之前所说过的名言。我和她说了我在部落格有谈到她所说的名言，所以她也拼命的帮我想想自己之前说的话。。然后，她说了："Hope for the BEST, but prepare for the WORST!"

很真实的一句话对吧。尽力把所有的事情都做好，剩下的就只有希望最好的，但是准备为最坏的情况作出调整。。毕竟，没有人能够预测得到未来会发生什么事情，所以，为所有事情做好最坏的打算，能够在事情发生的时候，让人能够应付，不会手忙脚乱。

好了，该睡觉了，明天又是很长的一天，从早上７点多到晚上７点，所以我想我很有必要补充睡眠，让自己明天不会那么的累。:)

发发牢骚，没必要，不必读。。这铁定会闷死人。。

2009-11-16T22:52:00.005+08:00

今天虽然在工作上没有作很多事，但是感觉自己好累。越来越讨厌在办公室内做工了。虽然有一些好的同事，但是有些同事却是造成我烦恼的根源。虽然我的工作范围，的确包括帮助你减轻你工作上的负担，但是我们几乎替你把事情都做完了，你为什么还老是装作自己很忙？有时候我真的不明白，我的工作范围明明只是要帮忙您输入资料，但是为什么我变得不只需要替你输入资料，但我还得替您把所有相关的资料整理好，并且打电话把所有不清楚的资料调查清楚。。您每次要知道事情的时候，就问我，有什么事情都来问我。为什么我明明只是当您的助手，但是我做的事情似乎比你还多更多。。即使说今天，我一进去办公室，你就一件接着一件的问我问题，把一大堆自己的问题都变成了我该替你解决的问题。有时候，我真的在想，我帮您拿您的薪水好吗？既然我已经帮你把所有的事情做完了，那么为什么我不连薪水都替你领。。哈哈，我好邪恶哦。。没办法，这里是我唯一能吐苦水的地方。

虽然工作岗位有那么一个令人生气的人，但是我也能够很坦白的说，其他两位同事及朋友其实都很好。。另外两位中，我和第一位一起工作的时间相对比较久，我比她早进入公司，但是在我回去上学时，她累积了比我多的工作经验，而且，在那段期间，另外一位同事加入了大家庭。对我来说，她是个大姐姐，可能也因为我们有些相通之处，所以有时候，和她聊天变成了一另一个学习的方式。。人通常经一事长一智，所以和她聊天，能让我学习到我还未了解得人生哲理。

一时间忘记了她的名言。。有什么希望，什么绝望等等等。。哈哈。。等我记起来，再把它写下。希望自己能够慢慢收集一连串的名言，让自己有机会从中领悟到更多道理，提高自己的领悟能力。。

"Whatever doesn't destroy you makes you stronger" - 在回家的路程上的到的结论。。

一日笑话。。[可能一点都不好笑，但是对我来说，还好啦。。]

和妈吃了午餐后，爸爸就来载我们回家。。虽然我们本应直接回家，但是爸妈想买马票，所以我们就去了200++那让他们买他们要买的字。。下午的阳光真的好强烈哦。。害我一下车就觉得好刺眼。。哈哈，虽然刺眼到有些不舒服，但是我还是乘机耍了耍宝。。假装自己要被太阳晒死了，还说了一句。。 [[老爸，我是僵尸，见光死。。啊啊啊。。]]结果老爸笑翻了。。哈哈。。

2009-11-13T00:15:00.003+08:00

Hmm, it's either that I do not do any posting in this blog, if not I update it more frequently than I thought I would. Anyway, I think that I would upload some pictures.. Let pictures do the talking for me, let the pictures show what I did during this period of time, and let the pictures explain the fun and the boring things within my LIFE..A View of Seletar Resevoir.. Went cycling one fateful day...
Together with Caron, Ivan and JiaYee.. After that we went to Sembawang Park.. and that was the sunset that I captured.. Hais.. How many people really notices sunset? Time comes and pass.. No one usually notices anything until the time when something really happens... How sad... This was taken quite some time ago.. A nice flower a day, cheers one up for one whole day.. :)

2009-11-12T22:24:00.003+08:00

好久没有进来了。。主要有两个原因。。
首先，因为工作的时间从早上10点到晚上7点，所以老实说，如果我乖乖做工的话，我每天都没有时间上网。。尤其是上个礼拜。。工作上似乎有做不完的事情，一直做一直做，每晚都做到好迟才下班。。这两个星期好不容易有了转机，有了多一些人帮忙，所以才没有忙到疯掉。。每晚都9点才到家，吃晚餐，所以有时候，我也想过不吃晚餐会不会比较好。。这样一来，我还会省下满多的时间做别的事情。。

第二个理由，其实也是因工作而产生的理由。。因为每晚回到家都太累了，所以根本就没有心情和耐心上网聊天和上网更新部落格。。

最近比较有意义的事，就是花了比较多的时间运动，找朋友聚聚，和参与了干妹妹的生日派对。。。连续两晚陪她庆祝。。第一晚，放工后就立刻赶了下去。。陪他们去KBox。。一直到凌晨3.30am才到家。。虽然很累，但是我还是在冲凉后为工作的事情做了一些准备，然后睡了不久，又起床冲凉准备去工作了。。虽然连续工作了两天，而又没有什么睡到。。但是我第二晚还是去了她的生日派对。。陪她和其他几位朋友一起看了一部电影。。

有时候我想什么都不做，就好好休息一阵子，但似乎没这个办法，因为生活中总是有做不完的工作。而明明对工作有所不满，我还是得静静的把自己工作范围的事情都做好。。为什么我明明只应该帮忙，但是我们似乎帮她把所有的事情都做完了。。有时候很纳闷，但是没办法，我们只能做工，不能多说什么。。

期待下个学期。。上课的时间应该会很有趣吧。。毕竟我们也已经花了3个月休息。。补充能量。。

2009-10-17T00:17:00.003+08:00

Just came back from cycling.. Should I say that I'm on an unhealthy diet? Ate only 3 slices of bread and it last me throughout the day and into the night...? Even dinner was replaced with desserts... Sometimes I seriously wonder about the choices that I make, whether I am making the right ones... would I regret it later...?? Cycling without any solid food in the stomach, makes a person feel lighter, but personally, I don't feel hungry at all, not even until now.. But does not feeling hungry means I'm seriously not? Haha.. That's a stupid question that I'm posing to myself..

Anyway, should I say that today is one of the days that I think cycling is not fun? Or should I just say that I'm just pure unlucky today, and I should not have went cycling at all.. In the beginning, the bicycle chain got loose, and I had to fix it three times before it worked fine again... Then just before I came home, when I went to pump air into the tyres of my bicycle, the air pump just wouldn't work for me... Ended up, I pushed my bicycle and jogged home... When I finally got home, I was seriously dripping sweat... Seriously....

想了又想，我开始在记忆中寻找快乐。。寻找那些似乎没有烦恼的日子。。怀疑为什么自己不能回到从前，过程中，我发现了。。。
人的成长，掺杂着很多复杂的成分。。其中，人不只外在有变化，人的智慧也在不知不觉中成长，以便让他们解决成长过程中会遇见的困难与问题。。。虽然成长可算是一件好事，但是在成长的好处中唯一的小小坏处就在于。。随着年龄的增长，问题也会相对的增加。。所以，越有智慧的人，面对的问题就相对越多。。因为会分析问题所在，所以人们通常会把简单的问题复杂化。。当简简单单的一件事被复杂化，我想，大概每个人都能猜得到 [简单的一件事+复杂化=更多问题。。]

又是从几时开始，我开始觉得一个人吃晚餐好怪。。。虽然我从来都不觉得一个人在外吃晚餐有问题，但是我突然有些抗拒。。。我有在改变吗?我的改变是往好的方向吗？这又是另一个值得反复思考的问题。。哈哈。。

简单来说。。我没事找事做。。别尝试理会我。。因为连我都不明白自己，所以其他人没必要白费苦心，去尝试了解一个失去自我的人。。

2009-10-14T00:36:00.002+08:00

I guess it's quite some time since I last posted anything.. Anyway, just some random updates... following 22 Sept...

1st Oct 2009..
Went to Pulau Ubin with god brother and his friends.... although I do know most of them, I still felt quite weird, as I was the oldest there and I wasn't very familiar with his friends though we came from the same secondary school (reason being: age difference and lack of contact).. Anyway, met up with everyone at around 10am then traveled and reached the island at 11am.. Then the journey was followed by renting bicycles, cycling around, eating lunch, cycling around more and heading back.. Overall, it was quite fun, though it kept raining and shining, but there were two people who were quite poor thing as they were injured..

3rd Oct 2009
Okay... Just the date for two friend's birthday.. Firstly, LIONG QINGHUI... and secondly, Geraldine... :)) Happy 20th Birthday to the both of them... Anyway, morning went to send in my laptop for servicing... then went to meet Qinghui for lunch (as her birthday celebration)..

3rd Oct nite to 5 Oct 2009
Went for Genting trip.. When recalling when was the previous time I was before school started, in April period... Anyway, went in my dad's car, together with my parents and cousin.. Was a tiring and not very fun trip.. Elaboration, super tired because we reached at 4am in the morning, without a place to sleep, and especially since I'm under 21, I couldn't go into the casino to waste some time away, so I ended up being a wandering spirit, just slacking time off before shops starts to open up.. Result of insufficient rest... Extremely tired so did not really get to enjoy the game though it was meant to be scary.. Even rides like 'mine train' and 'flume ride' can make me yawn while taking it... Other than outdoor, playing lan games, we also did shopping before we went back.. and I guess that's all about it...

Nothing much exciting after that.. Just that I got back to exercising recently.. Went back into basketball-ing... Super nice though I kindda lost touch.. But one saturday, playing under the rain then followed by the sun, I thought the feeling was finally coming back.. My accuracy in shooting also improved... HAHA.. Strong intention of getting sick (playing under the rain, getting dry up because rain stop, play under rain again, play under sun, eat ice-cream).. but it seems like I had been too good at building up my immune system, causing no bugs to attack me... (not even flu bugs).. So I have no choice but to remain healthy as I am now...

2009-09-22T00:13:00.002+08:00

I'm just venting out some of my frustrations.. Don't have to entertain me by reading it.

I hate it when people becomes unreasonable.. Why am I always the one who is expected to tolerate all this nonsense? Why does everyone responsible? Why is no one willing to sit down and listen to me? Why is my family members this way? Why do they not try and understand what I think and feel before speaking to me?

Sometimes I seriously wonder why this thoughts are running through my mind.. Sometimes I seriously wonder why my buddy can understand me better than my family members.. Then only do I realize, my buddy don't judge me before anything.. She listens to the whole story first before coming to any conclusion.. She is willing to spend time sitting down and listening... She is willing to see things from different view before judging me.. Why is the people closest to me not responding to me in that way? Why are they unwilling to spend the time to understand me as who I am, and not spend 1 day in a week observing me for 2 hours and then judging who I am?

Maybe you do understand me better in the past, where you spent more time at home, when you decided to listen to me before you judge.. But now that you spend only one day every week being at home, you drifted further out from my life.. I'm not the one who have changed, you are the one who changed.. You are the one who thinks that I have attitude problem.. PLEASE.. you, being able to skip lessons doesn't mean that I'm able to do so too.. When you can not do your assignments, it doesn't mean that I can do the same thing.. I REALLY do have my ASSIGNMENTS which I have to complete.. I'm not doing it for the sake of avoiding you, avoiding the need to talk to you..

2009-09-16T00:41:00.002+08:00

Firstly, I would start off with wishing all friends who just celebrated their birthdays in this month.. :) In this month, especially the beginning of the month, it's flooded with people's birthday..
4 Sept - Mum, 5 Sept - Jun Long, Serena, 7 Sept - Huat Chye, 12 Sept - Jasmine (Xiao Bai), Ivan Lim, 13 Sept - Kang Hui, 14 Sept - Terrenz (Jie!!), Yuchin, Nina..

Following that, it's just a random update on what was done this two weeks.. Last week was screwed because my body clock is working too well, and I'm not sleeping when I should.. Therefore, it only implied that I did not sleep for more than 3hours each day... This week, we're flooded with assignments... So, I also did not have sufficient sleep for the past two days.. Hopefully, after this week when most of the assignments and presentations are done and over with, I will really get some time to rest.. :D

有人教会了我一个道理，乐观面对问题有助于解决问题。。悲观的看待事情，不只不能解决问题，还会让人更心烦。。

你永远都不会了解我在想什么，因为你从来都没有尝试过。。
你永远都不会明白别人的立场，因为你眼里永远只有自己。。
面对错误及问题时，推卸责任，难道就能解决问题吗?

我曾经想象过自己的未来。。想象过自己长大后会做什么。。
结果，现在的自己所读的课程和自己理想的未来差别好大。。
原来我的生命中有那么多插曲。。那么多路人甲。。
而每个留下脚印的人，都在我生命中扮演着重要的角色。。
影响着我的每个决定。。影响我做的所有决定。。
我想，我该是时候真真正正的为自己而活了，
再也不是为了满足别人对我的要求而活了。。

2009-09-12T12:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday evening, I tried teaching tuition for the first time. Although it's not the first time I'm doing teaching, I haven't really tried teaching tuition to primary school children. Anyway, it was just a take over of class for Suwanno.. haha.. Though I did not really liked the impression of teaching tuition to Primary School children, I felt that yesterday was alright, when I managed to teach the children, and see that the children understand and develop the interest towards learning Mathematics.. Although it was only a lesson, I could observe many things from the children.

Anyway, there was a small sense of accomplishment when I finished teaching the tuition.. :D When the mother of one child asked me about what I think about her daughter's performance in the class, I shared my first time observation, and I realized that her mum had shared the same view too... While feeling this way, I felt that being in Early Childhood Education did helped me a lot, as I was able to apply what I had learnt to teaching them, other than that, my understanding on how important observation is also helped me a lot as I was able to understand and teach the children in ways that could really enhance their learning.

Anyway, thanks to jie and baoru for telling me some of the things that I can do with the children from the two different age group. As it is the first time I'm teaching Primary 1 and 2 children, I did not had any understanding on what is their syllabus and what I should do with them, therefore, I appreciate their help for suggesting things that I could do, so that I can get through that 2 hours without making the children sit and do nothing.. :D

"A good lesson requires planning. Teaching is not one sided, other than the teacher talking non-stop, it requires children to keep asking questions.."

endnote to leonice..
Thanks for being so thoughtful and kind. Have more confidence in yourself and you could excel and do very well.. :)

Anyway, I'm finally sick.. After the whole week of lack of sleep due to unknown reasons, I'm finally down.. Slight fever and strong headache.. Panadol is not helping too.. I'm hating it so much.. This stupid feeling...

Post that was done because I was bored... Don't bother about it..

2009-09-09T21:09:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired.. both physically and mentally.. :(
This few days haven't been sleeping well, sleeping super late and waking up very early in the morning..
Sometimes I also don't understand why I'm doing this myself.. I just can't sleep in the night, and when I finally get to sleep, I wake up as early as well..

Today morning, I worked until 2am when I finally dozed off.. But in the end, I woke up at 5am, realizing that I can't get back to sleep, even though I tried my best to... So since I'm awake, I used my laptop to search for more articles, however, the whole search process did not went too well.. Anyway, I worked on my laptop all the way till when I showered and went to school.. As we have Poster Presentation assignment due today, I guess that was the reason that had kept me awake and energetic until when I finished presenting. Anyway, a small confession to make, I'm so bad, I fell asleep during the other group's presentation, so I must apologize to them.. Although I don't really know whether they realized it or not.

Today, I had a long day... Other than the lack of sleep that I got, we also had presentation inside the class.. When school was finally over at 5.30pm, I just went off and headed home.. After all the traveling time spent on the bus, I reached home at around 7.20pm, feeling so tired from standing all the way on the bus.. However, as my dad asked me to call him when I reach home, I called as i was told to, but what I got back was a request to cook dinner, 2 Vegetable for 3 person.. Hais.. I seriously find it super tiring when I still have to cook even though I'm reaching home at 7.30pm.. Why is it that other people reach home to have their meal while my life is so bored than I have to reach home at 7.30pm and still cook for the family.. And why is it that time past so fast, that when I finally finish dinner, it's already 9pm? And that I'm left with not much time to do things..

我有时候真的做东西做到很累。。我是人，不是神。。不是什么事情我都能够承受，我只是个20岁的人。。别真的把我当成了大人。。如果你们要我选，我宁可永远做不懂事的小孩，这样，我至少可以不用面对现在家里发生的事，我至少可以装做我不明白你们到底在干什么。。我可能很懂事，但是我仍然有着一颗会想要逃避问题的心。。若世界上的每件事情都能够简单化，那到底会有多好。。如果我有能力，我会让你们永远都不会吵架。。如果我有魔力，我会让你们只懂得如何开心，不知道生气是什么。。如果我会发明，我要发明时光机，把你们带回过去，让你们看你们曾有的快乐，让你们知道一刻的不悦，可以被之前的开心的会回忆代替。。
*老爸，老妈。。。我只是你们的女儿，别老是指望我想办法解决你们吵架的问题。。我的脑细胞有限。。我能承受的程度也有限。。别让我那么快就倒下。。：（*

2009-08-29T17:20:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I had last blogged, quite lazy to do so, because there was nothing HAPPENING in my life. Although lessons are alright and quite fun, as we even went for a field trip at Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve. Anyway, this post was just meant to relief myself from the stress that I'm getting from my dearest laptop.

Dear laptop,

Can you please stop shutting down without notice? Can you please stop heating up? Can you please let me reformat my hard disk, so that I can backup all my files? Because your 'fan' stopped working, you kept getting overheated, and I had to literally bring a fan where ever I went. Can you just start your 'fan' working again, I'm getting seriously pissed off when you shut down when I have not saved my work yet.

I guess I seriously have no choice but to backup all my work and bring you for a serious CHECKUP... I think you seriously need a big operation, in order to really fix you. Luckily, you're still under the 3 year warranty, if not I seriously don't know what I would do to you, because you're really getting on my nerves.

Regards,
Your OWNER!!

Haha, there must seriously be something wrong with my mind, for me to blog about my laptop, even writing to it, when I know that there is no way writing what I feel out would make it happen in reality. Hopefully, I can accomplish what I need first before it gets shut down again.

2009-08-07T21:17:00.000+08:00

Lots of pictures that I would need to update, but only a little things that I would need to further update...

Yesterday, went cycling together with a few classmates from Wheelock College Singapore Cohort 3!!! Haha.. There was really a few of them, only Janice, Michele, Constance and me.. =D Although there were only a few of us, we had so much fun.. *will 'steal' pictures from Janice and Facebook then upload it here.. =D After having our lunch at Mac, we went off to cycle for 2 hours, where we also rested for awhile at Bedok Jetty, where we took PICTURES... hahaa.. After that, we continued cycling further down, and we went to play along the beach, where we drew many pictures... First, there was Janice who noted that WE, from Wheelock College Cohort 3, were there.. then Michele drew about friendship.. Constance drew 'Welcome 2 Singapore' to welcome tourists coming into Singapore.. and I just drew a Coconut tree along side.. hahaa.. After that, we also drew a 3 layered birthday cake for Singapore, because it's soon to be Singapore's 44th Birthday!!

After all the playing and resting... We cycled back, returned the bicycle and rested... Drank water and ate Ice cream!! =D then Michele, Janice and I went to shower... haha... It was open air shower, because they did not have any cubicle.. haha... was a first time experience... But I did not get totally wet in the end... Just washed my face and cleaned myself off sand and all those body salt... =)

After all that, we headed down to Changi Airport to meet up with Sim Theen, Yvonne and Ziqi... Hahaa... Plan was to send off Susan's flight which was pushed back to 10.55pm... Anyway, after having our dinner at BK, we all headed from Terminal 2 to Terminal 1 at about 8.15pm where we waited and waited to catch Susan before she checked in her luggage and stuff.. Although we caught Ruth before we caught Susan, we managed to chat a little before we spotted her in the end..

In the time where we waited for Susan, while she checked in her luggage, we went to play with the weighing machine, where we firstly weighed our bag.. HAHAHA.. compared to the 20 to 30kg luggages, our bag was all less than 5kg... The heaviest one was Janice's bag.. which had weighed around 3.5kg... Everything was then followed by weighing ourselves.. :P However, let's hold back on mentioning the weight of each of us.. Hahaa

Wish (from now till the end of the year)
it's either I grow taller, if not let me lose a little weight.. hahaha.. though BMI level is under healthy range, I still hope to be a little lighter than I am now.. =p

2009-08-04T11:26:00.002+08:00

在短短的六个星期内，我学了很多，而我相信我不是唯一一个学到新东西的人

因为我们六个人一定都学了很多，因为老师对我们有了很大的影响

昨天我们花了不知道多久的时间，在其中一人的家中聊天

聊天的内容却和普通会聊得内容不一样

因为我们的重点在于我们彼此的优缺点

重点在于我们能够怎样改变现状，怎样进步

原来摊开来讲，把所有快乐及不满的事都讲出来，是那么爽的一件事

原来把所有事情讲出来，有时候比自己憋在心里的还

原来把想说的事说出来，需要那么多，那么大的勇气

可能没尝试过所以不知道。。不是每件事都会像别人说的，无声胜有声

现在的我觉得有声胜无声，有什么事都应该直接讲出来

新的一个开始，我想改变。。而我希望会变好，不是变坏

希望这是一个好的改变，新的希望

把以前的自己抛开。。

反省的过程，想法的发泄

2009-08-02T17:11:00.009+08:00

人啊，看着未来，想着前程，想着成就

每次在关键的时刻，忘了应该注意此刻的美好

想着未来多美好时，总故意忽略过程

人啊，你们到底什么时候才会学会珍惜

珍惜时间不会倒退的原理

珍惜人去了就不会再回来的道理

人啊，你们到底几时才会学会珍惜现在，享受过程

六个星期，一开始时，不足的睡眠，劳累身心

总让我们期待时间会快快的过

六个星期过后，第一天放假

突然发现自己似乎迷了路

突然发现自己不知道明天要做什么

我到底会怎样度过这个星期

想了又想，想了又想，发现了一点，很重要的一点

原来我早已习惯她们教课的方式

我不喜欢离别，讨厌悲伤

但是天下无不善之筵席

人的生命中，也将会不断地有人进进出出

不由得我们去选择谁离开，谁留下

今天，我再次哭了（很惭愧的，我的确哭了。。）

在老师面前，我们都留泪了

堆积起来的不满，疲惫，压力，加上了不足够的睡眠

让我们都流泪了

她是一名非常好的老师，一名非常了解学生的老师

虽然我们只短短的相处了六个星期，时间将不会在她不在时停止

从来不知道自己会在任何人面前展现出自己脆弱的一面

从来不觉得有任何一名老师会那么了解任何学生

我想，我突然很想做个好学生

虽然她已经会美国了，但是我们会继续努力的

我会尽我权利，努力读书，不辜负任何人对我的期望

老师，您的离去，让我学会了很多

让我知道自己应该不断的反省

也让我知道了反省的好处

您让我明白的不只是在课室里学的东西

您还让我明白了许多的人身道理

我们人啊。。

总喜欢和自己相处得来的人一起做事

总喜欢和自己接受得来的人一起做事

但是我们总是忽略一个事实

世界上的每一件事，不是每次都能事事如愿以偿

我们能做的，是学会接受，学会接纳

在您的教导下，我们学会了该如何接纳身有残疾的人士

但是，正当我们信心满满的支持接纳时

我们却笨得连自己的朋友都不能接纳

我们却连她们的缺点都不能接纳

为什么明明早已了解了对方的缺点

却不能看见她们好的那一面，接受她们坏的一面

在一开始选择一起做作业时，不是早就知道会面对什么问题了吗

与其怪人，与其把指针指向比人

我们自我检讨不会更快，更有效吗？

想了好多，想了好久

想到头壳都要碎了

我想，现在的我头壳坏掉了

不适宜继续在想下去

该是时候去骑脚踏车了

让自己松懈一下。。

2009-07-31T18:34:00.002+08:00

haha.. my first 6 weeks of school is finally over.. although I said that it's finally over, what I truthfully felt was that I hope time had not past as quickly... and I seriously enjoyed being in both lecturer, Felicity and Susan, class.. Although Felicity had a greater impact on me, I guess I had to also admit that Susan did a great job in making me step out of my comfort zone...

I'm going to do some posting... some that will really shown some of my reflection done.. although this reflection would mostly be posted in Chinese, it's the reflection and the results which I got after thinking through the whole of yesterday night, about what happened in school yesterday..

2009-07-10T19:45:00.002+08:00

This was from quite some time ago.. Retrieved from my private space... It's quite meaningful.. At least when I think back, I realise yes... I did make sense then, and now I should practice it...

Quoted from Kia Inn...

"Devil must miss Angel wor.. Angel will also miss Devil de.."

In this scenario.. Just nice, I'm the Devil.. Although I've tried my best to be good.. Although I did my best in answering to everyone's need.. Although I tried my best.. But everything proved that when Devil tries to be good.. Devil would get nothing back in return.. No matter how much I tried.. No matter how much I give.. Devil should always be Devil.. She should no longer try to accommodate to people's need..

Devil should ALWAYS be Devil.. For the consequences of once being a Devil is to remain as one.. and forever be Evil... The attempt to change it.. The attempt to change the fate of the Devil would just result in worse outcomes..

For I should never have lived... lived the life of a devil.. and you'll be stuck forever..

[[现在我才明白，为什么道明寺会说，“如果道歉有用的话，要警察来干嘛。” 不是所有的事情，道歉了就什么都能被解决。。有些时候，道歉比什么都不说来得伤人。。]]

This was what I thought was meaningful but not mentioned in this blog.. How come people always liked to see the ugly side of human? Why is it that when I am trying to be good.. People want to see the bad side of me? Why don't all of you just appreciate the good side of me, and maintain everything in this way? Why do you hope to see the negative side of me? Truthfully, I am not as good as all of you think I am.. You all just haven't realise it or haven been through it, that's why you all think that i'm good.. Please.. Trust me.. You will never want to see the negative side of me...

keyword: ENDURE

2009-07-01T19:11:00.003+08:00

Edwina is not in the right state of mind to be posting two post within a day, because she have not been resting well, or she is not getting sufficient rest.

Life everyday is just a routine, a routine that does not change at all. For I spend at least 10hours both in school and traveling to school, reaching home at around 7pm. After doing so, I would just as usual have my dinner and start on my assignment, which is never ending. And the next day, the same things happens all over again until a weekend approaches. Truthfully, I'm starting to doubt what kind of life I'm exactly looking forward to leading. Is this the life that I am going to lead for the next two years? Is this what I am going to do everyday? When will this kind of lifestyle change? When will I find the goal that I am looking for?

Hopefully, life would turn for the better after the 6th week. Hopefully, I manage to last through all of it.

**keyword for this 6 week of intensive studies... ENDURE!!**

2009-07-01T17:48:00.002+08:00

我觉得，我快要死掉了。。。
虽然学校只开始了两个星期，但是我好累。感觉自己不够适应现在的学生身份。功课的分量实在是太多了，根本超越了我能负荷的阶段。每天晚上都会头痛，每天晚上想睡觉的时候就会想到还有多少的功课还没做完，想着自己到底应不应该睡觉。我们这些学生，一天内到底能够睡多久? 老师们的脑袋瓜子到底装了什么东西？为什么他们不能设身处地的为我们这些可怜的学生着想？老师们不是每次都希望我们能从别人的角度想问题吗？为什么我做了越久的学生我就越觉得老师们不会为我们这群可怜的学生设想。。

每天都要读课本，作功课，想着几时得交上下一份功课。我做了至少15年的学生了吧。。为什么我还是不习惯？为什么我越来越讨厌学生的生活。。没办法，虽然这一时我应该习惯的生活了，但是我真的从来没那么累过。。每一天都在做同样的事情，早上 6 点钟起床，7 点30分出门乘搭巴士，9点钟到学校，上课上到5点钟才放学，然后又乘搭巴士回家。到家时，就已经 7点钟了。。这样简单的，过了一天的12个小时。每天剩余的12个小时内，要做做不完的功课，然后吃饭，冲凉。。一切做完时都没有时间睡觉了。。

好累，好像要崩溃了。。但是我会撑下去的。。我一定要冲破极限。。突破自己。。

2009-06-24T23:11:00.002+08:00

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!! DON'T DISTURB UNLESS NECESSARY, IF NOT I'LL BITE!!!!!!

Haven't been having enough sleep... Been reading books.. Textbooks... Lots and lots of them.. Though it's just the first week of school.. So much have already been done... Wondering how I got through the last three days, but I managed to... Wondering what I should do in order to get pass the next 5 weeks to come.. and I thought... I might have no choice, but spend each and every of my day reading different textbooks.. Completing each and every chapter of the textbook..

In order to not let things pile up, I must work with an organized timing.. Where I can finish all work on time, and yet, not have insufficient sleep.. I think I must also really change my working style... To working at an earlier timing, so that I would reduce the times that I work late into the night.. Hopefully, this plan would work out well, and more so, I hope that I would carry this plan out...

STRESSORS.. SCHOOL..

STRESSED.. WORK... WORK... WORK...!!!! READING... READING... READING...!!!!

TEXTBOOKS!!!!!

2009-06-18T10:19:00.003+08:00

Some events that happened within the past week.. 13 June went for Shuting's birthay chalet... Then night time went to carry back another bicycle.. but I guess this bicycle would need a lot of time to be fixed and everything... anyway, while I was out at Shuting's chalet, my family members headed out for Genting.. ehh... leaving me and my dad at home..

14 June went IT Fair.. hates it man.. super flooded with people walking in and out.. it's hard to even get onto the escalator.. but the only good thing that I liked was that I managed to get some great deals... $119 for a 320GB Samsung Harddisk.. and $16 for a 4GB SanDisk Thumbdrive... when we were leaving, we also had meal at Yoshinoya... and the service over there is super lousy.. the person asked whether I want any drink, yet she only delivered my god brother's drink and not mine.. and she is super blur.. hais... Then after that we walked from cityhall to douby ghuat there, then we went to star factory to play arcade.. then after that also went to Zone X to play arcade too.. mainly played games, is the basketball machine, the shooting game where melvin always manage to live longer than me, and the music game machine which both osf us always fail... X( anyway, around 10+ 11pm then

we trained back lo.. super tired.. lol.. haven enjoyed myself so much so quite some time le.. sometimes, a visit to the arcade might not be as bad.. lol..

15 June went to school for Writing Clinic in the morning.. last second lesson.. then don't know how to really say it, but seriously, I think it's not very very effective because I did not really learn a lot from it.. and since the lesson is 3hours straight, it's super duper boring.. but no choice.. sat through.. after that had lunch together.. with may, constance, hannah, michelle, belinda, juian, kamilah.. haha.. after that went home.. relax and rest..

16 June.. a little unwell... stayed home.. didn't go out.. guess eat too much unhealthy food le... haha.. so once and for all.. it exploded.. haha.. tired..

17 June.. last writing clinic lesson.. many think that I went MIA.. thought that I should speak up if I wasn't happy about anything but then, why should I went I wouldn't be heard.. haha.. anyway, I didn't go missing on purpose, I seriously didn't hear the phone ring, that's why I did not pick up... I sent in the things required.. Finally.. Hais..

Anyway, ANGEL spoke to me about a quiz that she did.. lol.. and yeah.. the results is that she is born an ANGEL.. lol... unlike me when I did the quiz, I was really born a DEVIL...

**PICTURE TOOK FROM ANGEL'S BLOG..**

ANGEL!! SEE I MENTIONED YOU TOO!! ANYWAY, HAHA.. KAPO THIS PICTURE FROM YOUR BLOG.. SO I ACKNOWLEDGE IT..

haha.. currently, the devil is still hidden within me... it's still sleeping... don't awake it.. if not bear the consequences..

last thing... angel has risen in position.... she rose to the VIP Category.. haha.. =)

乖乖的天使不应该和恶魔有关系。。但是因为她不是乖乖的天使，所以她才会认识我这个好的恶魔。。。

2009-06-10T15:42:00.003+08:00

I'm super pissed off.. I cannot stand it anymore.. I tried my best to be tolerant.. But it just seems like my patience and tolerance is taken for granted... I'm not someone to be trifled with.. Don't ever try to test my limits..

Anyway, "she" tested my limits.. and I'm here to announce that I would not be so polite anymore.. Why should I even bother to apply what my mum taught me against her? Respecting the elderly.. F*** Do you seriously think you deserve it? Other elderly maybe yes.. I would.. But towards you.. I'll never ever have any sense of respect anymore.. For you do not deserve it at all... I've been kind.. I've tried to teach and assist you whenever you needed help.. But this is what I get.. Backstabbed me in front of boss.. When I stop working for only about 4 days? So this is what I get for being kind.. Thanks so much for teaching me something so valuable.. I've never been so clear minded before..

I know Ivy don't like politics inside the office.. I know that I should not play the same game which she had played to cause trouble for us.. But I cannot promise anyone that I would not take revenge if she does the same thing to me one more time.. And when that time comes... She had better not regret, because the person who started this game is not me.. You can continue to be defensive.. You can continue to act in front of everyone, but know that this would not hurt me at all, because Boss never comes to talk to me directly when there is problem, what she does is to find Ivy.. So, you know who you are.. Stop causing trouble.. If not be prepared to bear the consequences...

2009-06-08T22:21:00.003+08:00

yes yes!! forgot to mention about my rashes...!!

on the stupid thursday nite, 28th May 2009... i got rashes when i reached home... kenna feng mo... when i had plans to join qinghui in going pub on Friday night, i got hit by rashes attack... hais... anyway, self medicated then my mum also help mi bought calamine lotion.. hais.. didn't went for work on Friday.. called to inform.. then went back to rest.. hoped that by night time can recover and the rashes attacked lasted through Friday, Saturday and also Sunday.. Even when I went back on Monday to help out with the cleaning up of the office, I wasn't fully recovered yet... then when i reached home after a whole day of cleaning, my rashes started again and it got worse... hais... I think this time round it's because of the dirt that had accummulated bahs... sad..

anyway, that's about the whole thing about my rashes... hopefully I will manage to find what I am allergic to, in order to prevent myself from having the rashes again...

2009-06-08T20:54:00.002+08:00

eh.. it's yet another long post ever since 24 May..

anyway, haven't really did much.. just kept working all the way until it last friday.. before that, i kindda slacked a lot... last week's monday went for work.. then tuesday also went for work.. but went off quite early because i had the need to return to school for a reception for wheelock college.. anyway, slept in the bus while on the way there, end up when i woke up, i was like slept over my ngee ann bus-stop.. haiyo... no choice lo.. walked across the overhead bridge, then took a bus all the way back again.. lol... first time my timing was wrong larhs... went over my intended stop... weekend though was supposedly my rest day.. i went back to school because there was an event there, Professional Pathway 2009, then i was there to help out at the AECES booth together with May.. then after that initial plan was to wait for Ivy to come and collect the things.. then may wants to go home to have lunch, then i want to go home and sleep.. hahaa.. anyway, when ivy finally reached, Ms Chong they all also changed their plan to go along with Ivy's suggestion to go to NUSS for lunch.. end up both me and may wasn't able to escape the need to go and have lunch together... hais.. canot stand it.. cos we ate really a lot.. ate until my stomach nearly burst.. which is a feeling which i had not experienced for a very very long time.. anyway, our lunch includes a main course for each of us.. and also about 4-5plates of ice-creams and cakes... -.-" haha.. it's a lot for 5person larhs.. aniwae, ivy then send me to yew tee mrt station and then i went home.. and showered... rested.. but din get to slp.. hais.. sleepy...

sunday met up with may super early in the morning.. at around 8.30am... at toa payoh town park.. hahaa.. went there to participate in her SOKA association de event.. quite fun though it was super tiring.. read.. not a little tiring, but is super tiring.. hahaa... made frens there and then also caused myself to have muscle ache..

monday, which is today, i went for my first writing clinic session.. reached class at about 8.45am?? hahaa.. overall the session quite alright, just that the teacher a little too fast.. after tt had lunch with may.. then acc her go hms office.. slack a little.. read a little news update.. then went back to yishun... met with melvin tan.. he wanted to go for lunch, so i went with him.. then i ate again.. tis time it's chicken rice.. hais.. then had some conflict with him.. then left for home... shan't bother to care anymore..

2009-05-24T17:21:00.002+08:00

erm.. it's been a super duper long period of time since i last came in to do posting.. actually there was a few times when i wanted to come in to post, but yeah... in the end lazyness took over me, and i forgot about it totally..

anyway, just a quick recap..

16th may.. went to work in the morning.. then went meetup with Momos (Shuting, XiaoFong and May subsequently including XiaoFong's CCA...) Baoru however leh.. went out with her mother so she wasn't able to make it.. hahaa.. went to walk around then went to eat.. hahaa.. after that, went to met up with caron they all (Caron, Patricia, Jin wei and Melvin).. hahaa... we are the bunch of people who would specially meetup for birthday celebration only.. but yeah.. Thanks to them too.. for accompanying me to celebrate it.. when i usualy don't even care about it.. haha..

17th.. morning time went out to meet with Qinghui for lunch.. went for pizza hut at woodlands causeway point.. hahaa... crapped abit le.. then went off to have my trial theory test.. hahaa... nite time came home wanting to cook dinner.. end up went out with my jie, jie's bf and brother.. together with one of jie's fren to eat buffet at sakura.. hahaa... had a super full meal... hahaa.. then went to seletar reservoir to play taboo.. haha.. quite crappy.. but yeah... played till midnight.. so hahaa... played till count down to the end of my birthday..

loads of thanks to the people below... ... ...

16 May...

1) Qinghui - thanks for being around in the past 7 years...

2) Momo (Wind, May, Sting, BR) - thanks for remembering this date..

3) Xue Fang - thanks for the sms

4) Dad & Mum - though both of u chose to go genting on this day.. lol.. still thanks..

5) Caron's Gang (Caron, Patricia, Jin Wei, Melvin) - thanks for the thought!! =) though the cake was super filling.. luckily i gave most part of the cake out.. lol...

6) Angela - thanks for being super punctual.. first sms that came in at 12mm sharp..

7) Pei Yeen - thanks jie for always remembering it =)

17 May..

8) Suwanno -thanks for always being around to listen and give good advice.. thanks for being there even in the middle of the night.. haha =D

9) Serena - thanks for always being around too... and always being such a good friend..

10) Florence - thanks for remembering this date..

11) Si Hui - thanks for remembering this date despite 3 years have passed..

12) Sheng Lin - Happy 18th Birthday to you too... hahaa... the little boy who share the same birthday as me!! =D

13) Melvin tan and Ivan - thanks for suddenly knowing it's my birthday and sending in ur wishes..

14) Shiying - thanks for sending in ur wishes too...

other than that.. probably the better update is that i've graduated on the 13th may... and that i'll end my working life by the end of may... officially ending this working life that i've had for nearly 4 mths... going to realli get some rest le... some resting time for me before i start sch again!!!! hahaa... =D

other than that.. i guess there is nothing much to update already.. haha =D guess life is filled with too much ups and downs.. sometimes i hate to say this.. but i think my patience level is limited to adults.. but not towards children.. somehow my understanding is also towards children but not adults... somehow teaching young children is always 100% more interesting than teaching adults.. sometimes i canot stand it.. but since i'm finishing work by the end of may.. i'm going to endure it... hopefully she starts to really learn.. hopefully she change... hopefully... this is for the good of both ivy and melissa.. haha.. for they would continue to work together with her.. whereas by the end of may, i'll leave the office... =p

2009-05-03T14:44:00.002+08:00

1st May... Labour Day.. so it's a public holiday and not a working day!!

Went out to meet Qinghui for Brunch, then went to arcade to hang out.. it's sometimes just so bored... after that i cycled home and then ate more food.... slacked around at home till night time when i went out again to meet Qinghui for Dinner.. During dinner time, it was just so co-incidental that we ate at the same place where my dad, mum and sister decided to eat... After we finished dining, we chatted for a while and then i went off to cycle.. hanged around at a basketball court to watch people play match.. and then i went off back home.. quite bored...

2nd May.. morning went off to 111 to play basketball with my sista 'YongQuan' and his friends... haha.. so long didn't see my sista le.. he didn't change much bah.. haha =D saw his injured hand, his injured palm.. saw the stitches.. den whoa.. he poor thing.. anyway, today also funny.. from sista, he upgraded into being my 'nan peng you'... haha... when one little boy ask whether he is my boyfriend, then i said yes.. the little boy went 'eww'...

hahaa.. this was the impression that my 'nan peng you' have for the little boy la... haha.. so funny.. anyway, it was a great day.. finally work out under the sun, playing basketball.. sweating it out and tanning myself back... hahaa. =) enjoyed..

went home at around 3pm... showered and prepared to go out to meet people!! Bertina, Belinda and Felicia.. hahaa... meeting up to go for Angela's 20th Birthday BBQ at East Coast.. anyway, it's been SO LONG!! Haven't really got the chance to meet up since Primary School.. Belinda different la.. same secondary school.. so still got to see each other until the end of Secondary School... anyway, was great fun when we went over there.. especially while at the ending part, where we sang birthday song and cut the cake.. Angela's mum is so cute.. haha.. funny too.. bring up the atmosphere.. anyway, her parents drove us all back to yishun.. then as Belinda's mum came to fetch her, she drove us back to Bertina's block too.. which was great, cos we kindda didn't have to walk.. Anyway, was a great meetup.. Shall find one day to go out watch movie again =)

如果什么事都能很容易的被解决，那该会有多好。。什么事都不会复杂化。。人们也都不会那么有心机。。为什么长大后的人类，就不能永远像小孩子一样，单纯的想把事情做好？为什么越大的人，越有心机，越喜欢把简单的东西复杂化。。？

2009-04-28T06:47:00.002+08:00

lately, i've been kindda missing from blog but not from reality... without any notice, two weeks passed and yeah.. i'm back again.. nothing much happened in those two weeks... though i wished them already, i'll still mention it in the blog post.. =D

1. Happy birthday to Shan Shan.. (20th april).. hehee.. if i haven't remembered wrongly, she should be just younger than me by one year old.... anyway, wish her all the best of luck in doing everything and may all her wish come true =)

2. Happy birthday to Suwanno.. (23rd april).. Him, however, is older than me by one year old.. =) great friend, great listener... thank you for being a wonderful listener and thanks for giving good feedbacks when i needed them =) all the best in whatever you do and may all his wish come true =)

3.Happy birthday to my grandmother... (25th april).. hehee... she's 69 this year... haha... hope she will live to a ripe old age :)

some other things that happened is..

18th april went to clinic to do medical examination... wasn't very happy with the doctor.. because of blood-taking, end up he kept on adjusting the needles after he poke the needle in larhs.. hated him.. anyway, after taking out the needle, he didn't ask me to do anything, end up my hand was super pain and it got badly bruised.. hais.. when i went to consult the doctor again, it was another doctor, so i explained to him what happened.. then it seems like the first doctor, Dr Koh Jun Xi Casey isn't experienced, that's why he did not ask me to press on the spot where the blood had been taken out.. hais.. it's been more than a week.. and yet the bruise is still there... now i'm suffering from the pain on my left elbow... which by mere touch would cause me pain... hais..

anyway, now it's always work for me.. work and work... work and work.. work till end of may then i will quit.. concentrate on getting ready for school and concentrate on getting my license.. =D

2009-04-12T22:23:00.002+08:00

thursday is a veri suay dae.. so yeah.. shan't talk too much about it.. but nite time went down to meet qinghui... den went for a drink at next page.. din kena any rashes this time round though.. feels so weird.. but yeah.. after that met up with melvin tan... den accompany him go eat supper lo.. haha.. he jio mah.. den i ok lo... (see i so on).. anyway, by the time i went home, i was like super tired le lo.. cant even open my eyes.. so i just went to slp all the way till the next morning 12nn!!

after i finally woke up from my beauty slp.. hmm, i ate my lunch and continued sleeping because no one wan go out with mi larhs.. call BR but den quite sian.. no reason so end up din go.. sms melvin tan den he like late reply.. by the time he replied, it's like raining le so i no mood to go.. hmm, end up slp again lo.. sleep all the way till the next morning, 7am.. without even waking up for dinner.. haha.. guess how piggy am i??

saturdae.. went out to mit BR walk walk first den met with shuting to go for the Easter Drama.. hmm, knew some new friends... den also saw another person whom we've seen before.. haha... den after the drama.. went to eat with them at East Coast side and then.. haha.. went home.. put bag den went to meet Caron at 1.15am... haha.. she celebrating one friends' birthdae.. den jio mi go so i go lo... last year also helped this friend of hers celebrate birthdae.. den i was like weird.. every year during his birthdae den i appear... haha. but yeah.. that friend quite a nice guy.. together with guek hwa and her boyfriend.. we celebrated for him at yishun park.. all the way till MORNING!! haha.. so long i nv ton le.. but yeah.. that guy friend, melvin, drove and then me and caron cycle to chong pang there to eat the nasi lemak.. hahaa.. after eating, i cycled all around.. den i went to buy breakfast back home for the little pigs sleepin in my hse.. haha.. when i reached home, i started to disturb everyone.. haha.. crowed like a rooster.. to make everyone wake up.. haha.. den when everyone finally wake up.. i help my jie do things den i went to slp.. super TIRED!! end up until 3pm den i woke up le.. hais..

going to grab some sleep in my mum's room soon!!! haha.. tomorrow working!! hope i can wake up on time..

*should i continue to go slack with caron they all tonight? aunt is here... i dun feel like stayin home. but i nid to work tml.. so i dun feel like stayin out.. hais.. jialart.. canot stand it.. wonderin what i should do.. haha.. but yeah.. STAY HOME!! SLEEP!! =D

super duper LONG post!!

2009-04-08T23:03:00.003+08:00

super duper sian.. nothing much on for me nowadays except for working on every weekday..

some of the latest events is that i'm being accepted into wheelock college, and i emailed NIE to inform them about not going for the interview that they had allocated a timeslot for me to go to...

other than that, work is almost the same for everydae.. 26th morning met up with baoru to go changi airport together.. went to send may and the other friends off to Hanoi.. hmm, wanted to meet earli.. but end up something crop up and we went there slightly later than what we had planned.. hmm, miss chong was also around, and when we left, she gave mi and baoru a lift.. drove me to work.. and let baoru dropped at the same time.. haha.. she asked me to sit on the front seat la.. ask somemore.. end up we chat so much that she went the wrong way.. haha.. slightly guilty about it becos i wasn't of any help then because i was totally not sure about that route.. haven reali been to that area before.. so i cant help point out any direction that could help.. even though we managed to leave that weird place in the end la.. hahaa.. 30th march went to K with my colleagues.. pearlyn however wasn't around.. and an additional member, nicole came along.. haha.. =D anyway, it was fun la.. drank 2 bottles of alcohol too.. ended up going home and having rashes attack... 31st march... AECES de AGM... was like started working in Hougang office from 10am.. then was like took the same bus as huihua.. haha.. and we din see each other until when we alighted at the same stop then we spotted each other.. like duh~.. haha.. anyway, worked till around 4pm den we left and took cab to Yew Tee.. today's AGM is held there at 6pm.. hmm, wore semi-formal bah... intially i wore till reali formal.. but tot about why i should be so formal when i'm not doing anything impt.. haha... so i changed.. semi-formal is enough.. since the exco would all be around.. better portray a better image of myself.. haha... worked till around 10pm den left for home lo.. haha.. tireD!! and somemore, cos i was struggling with the stupid rashes attack.. i felt worse than usual cos i haven eaten any medicine yet and i need to try my very best in not scratching it.. hmm, 1st april.. shuting introduced another guy... (her god brother) to me.. asking me to join his cycling group.. end up met his god bro on 2nd april nite for dinner... and lucky me.. i managed to drag baoru along with me.. haha... i guess we were pretty weird.. so yeah.. the whole atmosphere between us felt weird.. and yeah.. no more contact till now.. lol.. shuting's matchmaking company shall officially be suspended for some time.. haha.. her introduction doesn't seem to work neh.. haha... anyway, that god bro of her's is like 19 la.. younger than mi somemore.. haha.. maybe he would make a good friend in cycling bah... but i guess that would have to wait till i manage to get either a new bike or a bike from my uncles' huse.. haha.. if not like his gang all MTB den my one is foldable bike... though my bike also very powerful.. haha.. it's quite weak bah.. when compared against theirs.. haha.. 5th april... went with my family (dad, mum, bro) excluding my sis.. to malaysia de temple to pray.. end up my hand was burnt by the joss-sticks.. -.-" poor me.. din realise that it was so badly hurt until it darkened and left mi scars.. hais.. hmm, slept for the whole period of time when i was in the car.. super tired.. cos the previous nite i went out cycling alone... haha.. mei wasn't able to jio ppl.. den when i jio john and quan, both canot make it.. so i just went cycling alone around yishun area lo... workout abit and entertain myself a little.. exercising once a week is the most that i managed to do now lo.. super slack.. din even exercise regularly.. hmm, but yeah.. i still try my best.. 6th april.. continued working lo.. den ivy sae since there is still no admin asst, one of us, me or melissa would have to be in the office by 0930... haha.. end up this week i'm the one going first lo.. hais... why isit that we have to reach at 0930.. though it doesn't reali make a difference.. i'm quite lazy to go about it.. haha.. -.-"

hmm, see.... that rounds up my boring and routined life.. simple as that.. shall see whether any special would happen.. hope weekend faster come for me.. i wanna rest.. been staying up in place of my jie to help her do things.. haha.. can't think of any other better time to sleep other than weekend.. haha.. =[

2009-03-22T11:03:00.003+08:00

hmm, 20th march!! received by sms my results.. kindda forgotten that it's out today.. anyway, when i saw results by sms which does not include the GPA, i was so shocked... hahaa...
AMPYC: A
ASLEC: B+
AYC: AD
IEP: B+
OB/HRM: A
EOP:B+
GPA: 3. 7368

I'M OFFICIALLY A GRADUATE FROM NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC, EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATION!!!!

Hahaa.. was so happy when i saw the results.. i got AD leh... so unbelievable... aniwae, yeah.. first time i get so high de GPA too... hahaa.. somehow, it seems rather easy for the other courses to hit this grade but, in ECH, it's hard.. really hard...

anyway.. met up with br for lunch at hougang central.. haha... and talked about meeting up tml to go shopping.. becos that's what i had promised her.. haha.. becos we had some unfinished shopping.. but yeah.. i got more things than her, and i became so broke.. borrowed from her $5 la.. haha.. see when is our next meetup.. so that i can pay her back..

*MOmOs.. mi and br have been like meeting up once every wk leh.. what about u... find time to go out together kkays.. =p..*

2009-03-19T18:57:00.000+08:00

lol.. this blog has become quite dead.. weekly update is the most that i can do...

Anyway, yeah.. latest news is passed my BTT, then the next day after work went to genting with my cousins... (haven't been having overseas trip with cousin for very long le).. then came back de next day continued to work lo.. nothing much exciting.. wednesday din report to work cos i planned / needed to go back to school for graduation video de meeting.. but end up i asked jie to drive mi there.. den when we reached, i still din go up for the meeting because something happened and i went with her to NIE then to the car company to talk about the issue of fixing the car..

yeah.. that's about all bahs.. aniwae, NIE (AELBS) contacted mi.. asked mi to go down for interview on the 31 march... den ivy came into the room to ask mi go AGM.. hahaa.. end up i choose to go for the interview.. no choice wad.. study more important.. anyway, hope i can go in.. i dun wan to commit as a full time administrator so soon.. even if i never get to go into any U, NIE or Wheelock, i also dun wan to continue as a full time staff..

haha.. that's all.. RUNNING OFF!!!
meeting xiaofong tonite.. haha =D we're the few who always get to meet.. haha =D

2009-03-12T21:46:00.002+08:00

To all who reads my blog...

hahaa... Today is no working day for me.... Reason to why there is no work for me today is because I applied for Basic Theory Test together with Qinghui... Anyway, today's test was at 2pm.. so I met up with her at 12.45pm.. and we headed down to the Singapore Safety Driving Center..

Anyway.. I mentioned that I would post the results of the test.. so here it is...
"PASSED"

Both of us passed it on our first try!! =D so happy.. haha.. guess I'll head down to SSDC again next week to book for my Advance theory test and my practical lessons... hahaa!!

Thanks to those who had wished me luck =)
*extra huge THANKS for jie's friend.. for lending me the book.. it really helped a lot!!
**extra thanks to melissa (colleague) who explained to me part of the things that i had not understand..

[[Self-praise is an international disgrace!!]]
this is what i heard from a show today.. lol..

2009-03-09T01:03:00.002+08:00

现在的我在想。。
等一下的我，能在7am睡醒吗？我能准时到达我和她们约好的地点吗？

今天的我，一整天本来没事的。。但不知为何，乘搭地铁时，感觉不适。。先是一直流鼻涕。。打哈欠。。接着感到头晕，想吐。。又没发烧，也没感冒，都不知道为什么会感到如此不适。。无奈的。。从义顺坐到Newton，因为真的很想吐了，结果我下站，在月台上的凳子上，坐着休息。。后来，感觉好点后，我继续前往Bugis的路程。。但是，终于还是在CityHall下站时，感到头晕目眩。。眼前的东西突然会自行摇晃。。感觉就像几年前晕倒时。。眼前看得到星星。。勉强到达了Bugis。。庆幸自己没有晕倒。。不然我真的还不知道该做什么。。或什么事情会发生。。。

陪宝如，淑婷和淑婷的其他两位朋友出去吃晚餐。。起初完全不认识，而且那两位朋友都是男生，所以有些陌生和尴尬。。但，在吃东西的时候，通过淑婷开始的话题。。我们聊得比较多。。逐渐的，尴尬的气氛也因此减少。。哈哈。。

忙碌的日子里。。邀约对方出来的机会变少了。。即使想尽全力去配合大家的时间，但是，一切的努力似乎都不能把所有人拉在一起。。大人的生活难道就这样吗？每天都忙碌的工作。。工作回家后，就是吃饭，休息。。为什么每一天的行程似乎都一样的。。我好累。。只做了大概一个月吧。。我就感觉到如此的疲倦不堪。。我现在才真正体会到做工的辛劳。。

小孩子们。。年轻的朋友们。。虽然这样讲会显得我很老（虽然我还很年轻)。。但是，我还是想提醒。。别把父母做工的辛劳忽略掉。。别自作聪明的认为出外工作很简单。。别认为钱很容易赚。。别生在福中不知福。。因为，没身陷其中，就不能真正体会到做工的辛劳。。做工的累。。

长篇大论。。到此结束。。我累了。。待会儿还带早起。。。祝我好运吧。。
*明日行程。。 9.15am 在 Bukit Batok　找　Ivy。。　然后。。　和她一同乘搭德士前往开会地点。。　之后应该是开会，然后。。吃午餐。。　吃完午餐后，应该是会后港的办公室。。继续工作。。看起来很忙对吗。。　不知道明天会是怎么样的一天。。　唉！*

2009-03-07T16:16:00.002+08:00

it seems a very long time since i last came in to do any posting.. seems as though i've been missing from earth.. but for those who know, i'm currently working.. 4 days a week... 1 day in school meeting.. anyway.. although every week i only work for 4 days.. i still feel like very drained of energy lo..

anyway... this whole month was mainly on working.. and nothing else... in the meantime brought QH along for work... to kind of help out for a day.. then Ivy asked about whether she have any interest in applying to become a full time admin asst.. haha... but upon hearing that she applied for University too.. her hope dropped... lol.. why did she suddenly want to look for an admin asst again? because the one that she just hired and briefed worked for 3 days and said that she wanted to quit because she received better job offer... when one of the new staff, melissa came in, and when she heard about Ivy wanting to hire a new admin asst, she asked why Ivy don't ask or hire me.. then Ivy said that if i did not apply for wheelock college, she would have given me the post.. haha.. den i was like.. ~duh~... haha...

sometimes, i also don't like the job that i have now.. ever told alyssa that i feel like looking for another job and quitting the current one.. i mean drawing a salary of $700 per month... (rough gauge).. then i'm doing so many things.. haha... multitasker... sometimes.. it's too much and too tiring.. sometimes office job, though it gives me the feeling of stability, it's routine is making me worn out... more to say i need to oversee things even when i'm not around...

i'm just tired.. i need time to rest.. and i don't think i can even rest..
reason: my only two days of rest comes in on Saturday and Sunday... but since 12/03/2009, is my Basic Theory Test.. I'm going to focus studying for it, within this few days since i did not even studied anything for it yet from the time i registered in February.. i know i'm courting death.. hoping to pass everything when i only gave myself less than a week to study for it.. but yeah...
i'll pass it once... hehe... with confidence... i already passed half of the test.. i think... i can do it.. if i put all my focus on it.. starting from now!!

await to hear from me.. haha.. good or bad.. i shall update.. lol..

2009-02-14T19:31:00.004+08:00

quick update about the 'boring' graduate life..

after the last day of school ended... monday started working.. together with xiaofong and jiaqi... started off with packing stuff.. was a tiring job... but it was fun... we're the threesome.. worked together and made job look so fast.. everything was like finished within minutes?? haha.. employers confirm very happy to have us.. efficient workers... tuesday also went to work... but today half half, did packing in the morning and did admin work after that.. so sians.. faced the computer all the way... wednesday.. went to school for meeting... meeting dragged all the way from 2-4.30pm.. then i went to settle some issues because i need to send in my application form for wheelock college.. after that, i went home, kept lappy.. and went out again with another bag, heading for pasir ris de class chalet.. hahaa.. super tiring!! went there, saw the lecturers, then both of them gotta leave... as i haven't had anything for the whole day, i ate two plates of meehoon before i helped in bbq-ing.. haha.. wanted to help them save the fire, but too many ppl wanted to bbq their marshmallow.. so no choice, i gave up lo... better than saying things.. i rather i don't say.. after that, i went to get a box of starter, and then i started fire on another pit... their food (chicken wings etc) a lot like never touch la.. so poor thing.. heard that they spent 2hours and 60 fire starters on it la... very OMG right... anyway, even after we bbq.. no one really ate the food.. everyone was tired out.. so if i did not hear wrongly, the food that we bbq went untouch through the night... anyway, although i needed to work the next day, i still joined in playing games with them from 2am++ till 3.30am when they finally ended... around 4am++ den slept.. but didn't really sleep well, so woke up at around 6am to shower.. left with may at around 7am+... went school did something then headed down to hougang.. continued with admin work.. hais.. **so sleepy**... thursday work straight after i left the school after the chalet.. then at around 6pm, both me and jiaqi left.. we're both dying off... both came directly after chalet, with like only 2hours++ of sleep... poor thing rite.. friday.. worked too!! wanted to help packing things.. but not allowed.. they say, "you cannot escape today, confirm must stay in office do work..." so.. no choice.... spent 10hours in the office doing admin job.. typing things and calling ppl... HEADACHE!!!

anyway, today going up to Genting with my dad and brother.. so hope to enjoy the trip there... and i'm going to start chionging work after i come back too!!! want to earn enough money to get a car license first!! =D

anyway, though it's valentine's day.. nothing much happened.. just another day....
hmm, i'm gloating over other's misfortune!! two person quarreled today... and i'm happy.. one says sorry.. one says utterly disappointed.. haha... OMG.. i'm becoming a saddist.. but i guess it doesn't concern me as much... =x

2009-02-07T22:12:00.003+08:00

yesterday was the last day of school.. don't really have any special emotions... somehow, that's sad to say... anyway, after school went to had lunch, then went with xiaofong and may to fix may's laptop... no choice... but yeah.. she had to reformat her lappy... halfway through, at around 4pm, i went off to join my friend's farewell chalet.. and, i'm considered one of the earliest one to reach.. her other friends including the food caterer was late.. haha... when i reached, i joined in their game of cards... played blackjack.. and since their bets was not on money.. their bet was on drink (liquor).. and all my loss was counted and accummulated onto shiyuan's account.. anyway, left at around 7pm.. then since it was a little too late, i didn't go to the hospital, yet i bus home, and got dinner for my dad and my brother to eat.. haha.. so tired..

today, went off to meet xiaofong to watch the stage show performed by members of the NP stageshow club, and went to watch partly because one friend was involved in the acting of the drama.. after that, didn't join xiaofong and her bf in eating at fish&co. , so i went to bugis junction and grabbed some food from those random stalls.. hmm, sat around, finished eating, then i went off to take the train towards CGH.. today going down to visit my grandmother, with my dad and my brother.. hmm, everytime i see her, i feel that she is older.. everytime she ask about other aunts and stuff.. why they are not there to visit her.. and i sometime wonder why she ask the same question for 3 times in a row, though i think that she know that it's the same answer... what other words can we say other than 'we don't know'.. hais.. tubes.. pipes.. all of those just portrays the fact that she's thinner.. all those blue-black de veins.. hais.. why does she have to go through those? felt painful for her...

**reflection for the day**
time really flies past so quickly... in a glance, i changed from the little girl who sat on her lap.. who slept over at her place with her by my side.. when she took care of me.. till this big girl.. 20 years old... big enough to take good care of myself.. one should truly treasure the very moment... don't regret the past.. don't regret what has already happened.. don't regret what was chosen.. don't regret because every decision comes with a consequence and because everything happened because of a reason.. in order to do that, treasure every moment and make wise decision before you got the chance to regret..

2009-02-05T23:40:00.002+08:00

i shall just take back my words.. i shan't comment on anything.. there's no point in doing so.. through OB/HRM.. i learnt new things again.. i wun say anything.. realli.. i will shut..

in the past few daes.. went to different lecturer's house.. and was rather busy..
mon - busy with lessons..
tues - lesson..
wed - meeting..
thurs (today) - went sec sch with qinghui.. found mr phua.. den chatted.. ate in canteen.. saw mr christopher chan and mr victor chia.. greeted and chatted with them too.. then saw ms hew.. also chatted with her.. after that they went for lessons.. den we sat a while before leaving.. after tt went to qinghui's house bai nian.. den looked at baby.. jie called.. said grandma hospitalised.. because she slipped at home.. went to fetch cousin (from childcare centre) then went off to hospital to find her.. no major injury.. but still waitin for scan tml.. shan't bother to comment about how i feel..
fri - plan is to go sch submit assignment... acc may and xf to acu helpdesk... after tt.. go shiyuan's farewell party.. hmm, that's the plan... tml last dae of sch.. 75% glad.. 25% wondering.. glad that it's finally time to graduate.. finally a diploma holder.. wondering what would my future be like.. wonderin how it would feel to no not walk down the hill to canteen 1... wonderin how it would feel not to visit the lib again.. wonderin wonderin wonderin..

hais.. why does the last dae of school have to feel this way? i thought i should look back and be glad i have made a lot more frens... yet this few daes are draining.. this sem is sucky.. discovering each other's true color sucks... i'd rather i be more ignorant.. being a blank slate like a children seem so much better.. at least they dun have to deal with unwanted happiness.. hais.. frens.. who are they.. what exactly constitutes to being a fren? i seriously wonder more..

[[I'm grateful that I'm graduating.. would i keep in contact with them? some yes.. some no.. it's a decision that would make me happier.. so don't ask who are the specific ones that i'll contact.. if i will, i would.. if i wun.. no matter what is done to help, nothing would make a difference.. ]]

2009-01-29T21:36:00.002+08:00

hmm, this few days... it's either going to people's house to bai nian.. if not it's going to school to do projects so there's nothing much new.. hmm, anyway, some conflict rose during another project.. even though the other two were best frens.. the conflict occurred and i felt quite sad for their friendship to be affected by that.. although i too, does not really like being in the conflict, i guess i took the more third-person stand, and i wasn't too affected by it...

hais... todae in school, when we had that project meetup to confirm everything for printing and submission, that friend did not speak or initiate to speak to us at all... and even when i spoke to her, she refused to answer unless it's really related to the project.. guess what she needs is more time to calm down and accept... if she needs apology.. i'm willing to do it though i don't exactly see why it's needed..

to her, what i hope to sae is, both me and gurmeet did not meant anything bad.. we appreciated and have seen the effort that you've put into designing the whole brochure.. coming up with a new one at the last minute might have been a move which made u feel that we did not respect u enough.. but what we hope for was just the best for the project... as everything is due todae, by tuesdae when the veri initial copy that u shld have sent us haven't arrived, dun u think it's mandatory for us to create one just for a back up? and since u said that u would respect my decision and accept it, why are u treating us in this manner.. maybe towards me, it doesn't matter since u don't always do projects with me.. but with gurmeet.. i guess more considerations should have been put into the way u conveyed ur feelings to her.. everyone, no matter how strong the surface is, has a weak point within themselves... so as ur best fren, she tries her best to understand ur position, so from a third person point of view, i guess u shld make an effort to do the same too... we still have another project to do together, so i sincerely hope that this stressful tension would resolve away soon and...

seriously.. we're in our third year... let's be matured.. let's treasure the time left to spend with each other.. let's treasure the friendship that did not come easy.. let's treasure the relationship of being classmates for 3 years.. it's not just anyone.. though conflicts may occur, but is it really worth ruining a friendship because of a small conflict... hope the tension would clear away soon.. hope you would slowly understand from our point of view.. if not, express how u really feel.. if you feel unappreciated.. tell us.. let us reassure u.. u're appreciated.. very much appreciated for what u have contributed..

2009-01-26T15:47:00.002+08:00

hmm, been 11 days since i last came to post..

anyway, have been tied up with completing projects and meeting deadlines... so haven't really got the time and the mood to come in to do any posting... anyway, the more major issues is that IEP and OB/HRM presentation are DOWN!! wow.. it's been really tiring and draining..

now, it's the first day of lunar new year.. hmm, mum showed attitude, then ignored my dad and went out on her own.. around lunch time, both uncle de family came over.. hais.. everyone knew she is not at home, end up we gotta entertain them by ourselves.. poor dad.. he tried to pacify my mum already, but she didn't bother to give face.. hais.. it's kindda hopeless.. whenever it's new year... it's like this... hais..
dad is having second thoughts about whether we should go over to my grandma's house.. because he said that since my mum don't even bother about it why should he care? hais.. i seriously don't know how to comment about that, so i just shut up lo.. want to go then we go la.. if not heck care lo.. hais..

since 12mm.. i knew that it was going to be a long day.. 26 January 2009.. first, there was totally no mood for CNY.. secondly, every year when it's new year, my family never fail to quarrel... thirdly.. it's not a good day.. when school reopens, there's more assignments due.. so how do anyone expect us to enjoy anything? hais.. i seriously don't like the year.. oh my...

2009-01-15T21:49:00.003+08:00

today is one of my classmate's birthday... and coincidentally.. it's also another lecturer's birthday.. so i'll kick off my second post for the day by wishing both of them...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

hmm, for hui'e, my classmate, it's her great 21st birthday.. but i guess she suffered quite badly.. though i believe that she enjoyed it... hehee... she was 'showered' by most D01 members... and then decorated with shiny and glittering spray.. making her look *brink brink* when she stood outside under the sun...
second.. for ms chong, my lecturer, i believe it's her --th birthday.. guess i should leave her age out.. -.-".. anyway, sent her an sms.. and found out that she was stuck in the convention centre from 11am to 6pm.. haha.. poor thing.. got to be there for the whole day during her BIG DAY!! =p

anyway, that should be all.. the focus of this post... shall end it off by...

saying BYE!! and NIGHTS!!

Hope that I can sleep early tonight.. =x.. which is highly impossible..

2009-01-15T18:07:00.002+08:00

i cannot concentrate... i'm losing concentration..
it's either at home or in school..

even though i thought that i could concentrate more when i'm doing work in school, i was once again proven wrong... i kept reading and reading yet nothing gets in my head.. assignment is due tomorrow.. oh... just what the hell am i doing?

it's less than 1 month towards graduation.. yet i cannot help it but to slack off... i know it's a crucial period of time, but i just cannot maintain my focus on what i'm supposed to do... from what you can see, when i'm supposed to have did my assignment or should be doing it now, i'm here blogging.. though it did not take me more than 10mins, but i guess it's still a bad thing.. for I'M DISTRACTED..!

what can i do to maintain my attention? i know i don't really have short attention span because i can really concentrate on things that i want to do.. but in this case, what can i do to keep my interest in my assignments... in the need to complete everything and then await for graduation??

[[private speech!! why the hell can i keep reading Cecelia Ahern's book, A Place Called Here, when i know that i have an assignment that is about to due and when my purpose of being in the library today was to complete this assignment??!! the reason why i am still in the library now is to do assignments and to avoid going home and looking at my mother.. but why?! i'm indeed spending time off from the need to return home early.. but why am i not completing my assignments? why am i reading the NOVEL in between intervals when i keep my eyes off the OB/HRM text?!]]

becoming more and more mentally unsound..
in the state that i'm in, i definitely would not recommend anyone to disturb me...
not unless it's REPUS TNATROPMI!!
TNAW OT WONK EROM TUOBA EREHW I TOG SIHT AEDI MORF? DAER CECELIA AHERN'S, IF YOU COULD SEE ME NOW... =p
(for you dear information, read those words that you can't understand again backwords... i'm just bored...)

conclusion, i'm really going crazy!!

Mugging out…

2009-01-09T18:54:00.001+08:00

Today helped out during open house… was on duty from 1-4pm, which I thought there might be quite a lot of people, but to my surprise. There was no crowd… and the day was boring… after duty at 4pm, I also went to eat with shuting, then we left the school…

Truthfully, I am not really mugging. I'm just doing the assignments that I should have completed all along.

The list goes……

Write the reflection for AMPYC which is due on 13^th January 2009…
Complete OB/HRM assignment, the reflection on the chapter in the textbook which is due on 16^th January 2009…
Write out all interview questions for ASLEC – Role of Supervisor Assignment
AMPYC Market Research – due sometime this month, guess it's on the 28^th January 2009..
IEP Chapter 3!! – Just do it ASAP!!
IEP Poster Presentation – due sometime at the end of this month…
EOP Brochure – due sometime in February 2009...
IEP Final write up – not wrong, it's due on the 2^nd February 2009… If I did not remember it wrongly..

When the list ends… what awaits us would be Graduation…

Where would I go? Would I go for Wheelock as my final choice or would I choose NIE or even to work first before I go back for Degree studies? What would my future path be?

I feel as though I'm standing in a maze, standing in a maze which is totally new to me. The beginning of the maze, being born onto this earth and the end of this maze lies my future. Currently, the maze is attacked by mist, and I'm in the midst of it, wondering how I can walk out of the maze and find the real me… What is the real challenge here? Walking out or staying clear minded even though I'm stuck in the mist? I don't know. Practically 1 month+ towards graduation and my future is still in a grey zone. I guess I finally awoke to the fact of graduating, to the need to make a decision to carry on studying or to step into the work force.

Anyway, leave all those nonsensical stuffs mentioned behind. I guess I really need to embark on working on the list first, before I have the qualification to talk about the rest.

Happy studying to SUWANNO and ME!! Hope that we can complete lots of stuffs tonight…

2009-01-07T23:14:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to EVERYONE!! hope that year 2009 would be a great year..

just a brief update about what happened recently.. during the period of time when i went MIA..
1st jan 2009.. stayed home to do work.. school assignments..
4th jan 2009.. went RP to do project with wind and may... was late for it.. but lucky they very forgiving.. anyway, night time reached home then quarreled with my mum.. don't know whether to say she to bored till nothing to do or what.. seems like i don't get angry, she don't realize what i'm unhappy about..
5th jan 2009.. went to school.. 10am-1pm, we did our projects.. suppose to do IEP.. but end up we only discussed about some of the points which we need to do, and then we looked for books.. for both AYC and IEP.. need to do a lot of citation work... so bored.. books.. books.. and more piles.. look.. it's PILES of BOOKS!!
6th jan 2009.. went to school for AMPYC project.. market research.. end up, around 3pm+.. wind, may and me went down to Holland to conduct survey... ended up asked around until 5.30pm++ then we left Holland and headed home.. reached home then started to do OB.. Rushed.. but still weren't able to finish the assignment on time.. Hahaa... I weren't say anything.. since it's my own fault for not working on it earlier..
7th jan 2009.. went school again for AMPYC.. then continued by EOP.. night time went home... finished up with EOP and then did AYC de writeup.. erm...

I'm super tired... super super tired.. yet tml there is open house.. hais..
I want more sleeping time.. I need more rest...
I guess i might really collapse...

2008-12-29T18:41:00.002+08:00

nothing much for this post... but..

saturdae..
met up with may and xuefang.. went to the cathay for movies... Bedtime stories... the show is not bad but the starting could be better.. after that went back... got dinner and walked home..

now.. splitting headache attack.. i'm starting to hate this few days.. for the splitting headache.. and i'm not enjoying anything.. seems to have too many things running in my mind.. not seems.. there IS a lot of things running through my mind.. hope to find one day to chiong exercise.. either basketball or swimming.. or even cycling.. i wan to work off those thoughts..

thinking too much is unhealthy.. but not thinking at all is disastrous.. hais.. somehow.. i look forward to school reopening.. somehow.. one way or another...

2008-12-27T02:18:00.000+08:00

nothing much to be mentioned.. but this holiday is kindda filled with nothing by germs.. because until now, half of the time, i'm spent being unwell.. which is.. SHIT.. i din get to enjoy..

anyway, 25th Dec.. Merry Christmas to all.. hope everyone enjoy this joyful occasion.. =)

26th Dec... went out with my niece.. met up with her to go to the night market to play bumper car.. ended up i bumped into everyone and her, most of the time rather than people coming and bumping into me.. anyway, after that went to eat ice cream and stuff.. and chatted..

chatting with her was good.. was free to talk about many things.. even the unhappy things was mentioned.. guess i need time.. more time.. to bury away the unhappiness.. gotta thank her for the Christmas Present too.. will treasure xiao hei.. will feed it with lots of love and smile.. haha.. =) though it's only half as cute as you!! (happy?? i praised you.. haha..)

*when i said, "if you lose your way, know the number that you can always call..".. you thought that i was referring to the police.. haha.. remember, the police is never as efficient as me.. and i definitely know you better than any police.. so when you lose your way in the crowd.. call me..* for this, i mean it.. i said it truthfully.. =) ah yi will be around.. for you when you need me..

[[I used to be a convenient friend for everyone.. Someone who is always available when others are not feeling happy.. From now on, I won't be.. Not everyone is going to have the privilege anymore.. I'm sick of always being nice.. Think of what I always get in return.. Nothing..]]

[[You used to be my friend.. You used to be the source of happiness, fun and laughter.. but now.. You are nothing more than my source of unhappiness.. If you want to know how you can help, you can explain yourself and get out of my life.. It would be better off if you can just leave and never return.. For your presence brings back nothing but bad memories..]]

2008-12-16T09:34:00.002+08:00

sundae met up with god jie outside... a little sian.. cos meeting time 11am... den she came at around 2pm... which is like... hmm, i waited for nearly 3 hours before she came.... and i waited alone... aniwae, after tt we walked walked around and had lunch at ajisen.. after that, we carried on walkin around, chattin den went home after that..

knew that my aunt going to come my house, end up i informed the people in my house le, den i went out with my laptop, adaptor and most impt thing... jacket... it's been so cold.. canot stand it.. when i'm not unwell, this cold is bearable la.. but yeah.. like now... just recover from fever.. or shld i sae haven fully recover then somemore go out for whole dae.. yeah.. end up met qinghui at nite... for dinner... den after that i went to her house and slacked until around 11pm, when channel 8 de incredible tales finish den i walked home...
*todae whole dae de meal went around noodle... mornin, dad cooked fried mee... den afternoon, ate seafood ramen at ajisen.. nite ate fishball noodle soup... haha.. sians..*

todae went to childcare in the morning for post-test.. den yeah.. met up with them.. den went inside.. kept sneezing... so sians... hmm, guess last nite too cold le.. haha.. aniwae, todae i guai lo... brought umbrella out... aniwae, post test went alright.. after tt went home to kip laptop den walked to sembawang town council to pay for the bbq pit... hmm, after that, went to northpoint to mit up with wind, shuting, br to go br's house.. hmm, after that.. bus there... den so slpy all the way.. hmm, reach br house den we sat and watch one movie which is not tt nice.. haha.. cos the horror show not scary one.. cos i watched before le.. and i have the CD.. haha.. aniwae, after may came, we had out maggie luck... den after that we continued to watch the show.. hmm, after the show, we went into br's rm and we had our exchanging present time... yeah.. after that took pic and then we went home lo... cos baoru got tuition... shuting also got tuition.. den wind also canot stay too late.. haha.. hmm, took 161.. got off too early.. so i took a stroll and then found this 965 bus-stop, then yeah... took 965 to yishun den walked back home.. after reaching home.. i slept again..

=apologies to momo members.... wasn't feeling too well... so din join in much when there's fun and laughter.. hope i din spoil the mood...=

nite time 9pm++ woke up... fever back again.. temp higher than the previous time... hmm, splitting headache also worse then previous time... however, i quite enjoy times like now.. when my dad would come home and cook for me... haha.. cos he knew i confirm haven eat yet.. aniwae, woke up saw all the sms and miss call... den din bothered.. carried on slpin... cos a bit 50% conscious onli... den onli until nearly 9+... 10pm den i started replyin.... hmm, dun like to see doc... lazy.. but i guess i'll be forced to go soon... mum thinks that it might be dengue... i guess no bah.. but shall see how...

2008-12-13T09:02:00.005+08:00

firstly.. the two drafts are deleted.. so nothing would be posted..

secondly.. yesterday went down to evergreen primary with may and xiaofong to help out at the bridging programme... met up at 8am at admiralty with may then we both bused down and met xiaofong directly at the school.. anyway, xiaofong and may helped out at the paper clay booths in two different classes while i helped out at the balloon booth in another class.. at around 9.50am.. i went over to look for may and xiaofong.. because we need to go to school by 11am for lesson.. it's a bit boring because we knew that the lesson would only be for an hour, but we got to go for it because it constitutes to our attendance and we got to submit our coversheet... hahaa.. so bored.. 1 hour class, travelling time takes up 2 hours.. hmm, anyway, after class we went for lunch at canteen 1... then i ate yong tau fu + green soursoup ice with jelly cocktail + 1 cup of orange+apple fruit juice... a lot rite.. hmm, don't know why the appetite... but i didn't really felt full even after all that, and ever since the start of the lesson, i felt that there's something wrong with me.. i just felt not right... after lunch, went NP lib to look at books... by this time, i'm already quite sluggish... bones aching, muscles aching and also i felt like walking on cloud.. a little floating kind of thing.. and after borrowing books.. went Beauty World to return books with xiaofong then we went seperate ways le...

went home directly.. showered and went off to sleep with earpiece stuck to my ear... i guess i'm expecting a call from a friend, so i just plug it on just in case i miss any calls.. and yeah.. the friend didn't called but my god jie called... haha.. confirm meeting on sunday den i went back to sleep.... when i finally woke up again... i was aching even more.. then feeling hot.. so went shower again for the 3rd time in the day... hais... headache like it's about to crack... tried to sleep at 12am again.. but wasn't able to.. due to too much sleep in the afternoon, i stayed up and did things until 2.30am.. then i went to bed... was tired throughout.. but just that i can't seem to sleep even though i'm lying down on the comfortable bed.. *feverish*

woke up at 8am today... like freakingly early.. when there is no school.. and when i finally like slept at 3am.. anyway, confirmed sick... sore throat, flu, headache, bones ache etc.. fever 38.5 degrees.. hais.. why suddenly sick again... fever somemore.. hais...

i'm now "RIP" - "Recuperating In Progress"

i'm not Resting In Peace yet.. just Recuperating... haha.. =)

2008-12-07T09:57:00.003+08:00

fine... i'm being discussed.. had 2 draft post.. but thought twice.. maybe this isn't the right time to post it up yet..

i shall carry on to endure.. everything is my fault ok.. i'm the unappreciative person... who rejected ur help and complained that i'm doing more.. ok.. it's my fault.. "so sorry" for making u "DISAPPOINTED"..

but u noe.. i dun reali care whether u're disappointed.. becos i'm also disappointed..

verbal diarrhoea

2008-12-06T04:49:00.002+08:00

people who know about what i'm angry about tells me not to be angry with you.. you're trying to do something good for me.. but do they even stand and think from my point of view? please.. i'm not trying to stay on this topic for so long and harp on it.. you're the one who kept reminding me about this..

i don't like the fact that you're being so nosy as to touching my things.. please... what's the use of a shelf when you want to place everything inside a box.. what's the use of a shelf if you don't put things, books on it... you cleared the whole damn shelf for no reason, threw my things away and yet you never even touch YIHUI'S things... why can't you just be more fair... even if you can't be fair.. can you just stop touching my stuffs.. you blame me for being angry at you... everyone blame me for being angry.. yet no one know what happened in the past when you act smart and cleared my stuffs... they never understand how i feel and yet they pity you...

some said that those who scold vulgar words are just trying to show off and they are uncivilised.. i don't mean to point out who or aim this at anyone.. i don't scold vulgarity for the sake of it.. i use it to really vent out my frustration.. if you don't like it, please shut it out from your ears.. to you it may be uncivilised.. it may be showing off... but i'm scolding the person i hate, and i'm not scolding to let everyone know, yeah.. i know how to scold vulgar words.. i don't mean to say that those who said that to me are wrong, because they are the type of people who are good kids, without fiery temper... but you're never me, you never realli understand how i feel..

the same things goes on and on... you just don't reflect.. why isit so?? why is your target always no one else but me... when i'm still studying for projects.. for things... here you are disturbing me, messying up my stuff.. can you just fuck off from my room.. and stop touching my things.. you are never seen to touch jie's things even though they are lying around.. you never throw her things.. what you throw is mine.. even from the shelves, where i kept all my books and assignments neatly.. you can also find fault with it.. what the heck is your problem..

from young, when you've messed up with my things, caused me to be unable to find my assignment.. until now.. you're always repeating what you do on me.. never on elton or terrenz.. why the hell does it only happens to me.. if you're saying elton, fine, he doesn't study, so he got no assignment for you to throw.. but what about terrenz.. her amount of things is count by boxes.. and yet you don't even touch it.. two fuckin boxes of things in front of my cupboard.. yet when i vent my frustration, i'm the one scolded.. i'm the one who is unreasonable.. do you know how important this semester is? you have never even studied past secondary 3, should i say i pity you for not having a chance to go through this.. you're always misplacing my things, and it's always my fault even if i did make an effort to put it nicely on the shelves.. everything that i do is simply wrong.. nothing that i do is ever correct..

RESPECT PEOPLE IF YOU WANT THEM TO RESPECT YOU BACK, NO MATTER WHETHER YOU ARE MY PARENTS ANOT.. YOU MAKE NO DIFFERENCE.. YOU WANT RESPECT FROM ME, THEN YOU GOT TO EARN IT.. DON'T FUCKING MAKE IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S A MUST THAT I SHOULD AND YOU CAN GO ABUSE IT... I MIGHT HAVE ALREADY BEEN QUITE GOOD TEMPERED, BUT I'M NOT ONE WITHOUT TEMPER... YOU KNOW HOW BAD I CAN BE.. DON'T MAKE ME CARRY ON IGNORING YOU.. DON'T MAKE ME TAKE EVERYTHING YOU KEPT OUT AND PLACE IT BACK IN THE SAME PLACE... USE YOUR BRAIN TO THINK OF HOW OTHERS WOULD FEEL FIRST BEFORE TOUCHING THEIR THINGS.

IF YOU'RE TOO FREE ON AN OFF DAY, JUST GO TO KRANJI LIKE YOU DID AT NIGHT... I WOULD RATHER YOU STAY THERE FOR THE WHOLE DAY AND HAVE NO TIME TO TOUCH MY THINGS.. GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!!!

2008-12-05T18:46:00.000+08:00

ytd damn stupid.. was late for class yet when i reached the class haven even go in yet... class was dragged from 11am to 11.45am before we went in.. hmm, aniwae, when we start late, this also meant that we ended lessons late..

evening met up with xiaofong and went movies together.. was decidin between which show to watch.. quarantine or beverly hills chihuahua.. ended up, we watched beverly hills chihuahua.. saw a slight preview before i went in... so tot it might be interesting.. and.. it was.. haha.. funny too.. had a good time luffing.. haha.. =)

**aniwae, i got 22 pts for napfa.. which gives mi a bronze.. haha.. shld i just leave it as it is? or shld i be crazy to go and retake.. haha. i guess i'll leave it..**

2008-12-04T00:10:00.002+08:00

nite time met up with dad, mum, and bro for dinner.. end up went walk walk awhile as my dad wanted to do some shopping for the canned food.. hais. so sians.. tired still nid to walk around with them..

anyway, acc my mum go ck... but the aunty there damn extra... keep folding clothes.. folding and folding.. i wanted to buy one shirt so i took it out, end up she took it and folded and put it back... was like scolding her in my heart.. but cos my mum was still choosing her shirt, i din sae anything... after tt my mum also pek chek... so she shoot tt aunty while talkin to my dad... end up the aunty heard le went to complain to her colleague and then both of them looked our direction.. it's damn stupid la... bu shuang jiu sae la... go complain to ur colleague, think i'll pity you for being shoot ar.. pls la.. ur service attitude sucks la.. dun wan to let us choose den sae.. dun freakin hell sae excuse mi to me, and then fold the clothes that i wan to buy.. if that's ur freakin attitude rite.. dun force mi next time go tt ck jus to mess up ur clothes... aniwae, aunty also got stared by me all the way until i got out from the shop, becos i'm already tired and she stepped on the snake's tail.. she asked for it..

<<今天是一个非常累的一天。。。过了NAPFA，筋疲力尽。。死人aunty还来惹我，不中我的白眼是假的。。
aunty 你选错日子来踩蛇的尾巴了。。偏偏选我最累的一天。。你真是自讨苦吃。。。下次若我买衣服时，你再这样，别怪我手下不留情，虽然我是斯文人，不动手打老太婆（她没有很老），但是，我会真的把你负责整理衣服的地方弄得更“整齐”。。从我用的标点符号，应该会猜得到。。哈哈。。我真正隐藏的意识。。>>

2008-12-03T23:36:00.004+08:00

hmm, 2nd dec...
todae two or shld i sae three person came to the outside of my house.. actually, they were shuting, xiaofong, and xiaofong's bf, cong an.. anyway, yeah.. reason being.. meeting mrs naidu the next dae.. so gotta prepare stuff.. need to use the laptop.. but no place got adaptor.. end up finishing project became more impt and they did the project on the big table outside my house.. well.. they were one of the few whom i reali dun wish to have a chance to come to my house.. and yet they were one of the rare ones who came to my house.. even like qinghui din get a chance.. so paiseh to qinghui.. aniwae, other than project, they also had dinner.. i got them veg and rice.. and my jie cooked for them eggs.. after finishing up with the project, i cycled while they took bus to the interchange.. after that help shuting and congan drop their cheque into the box and went home.. showered... den did assignment de interpretation and recommendations.. so tired!!

**seriously.. don't know how come.. i still don't like people coming to my house.. it just feels weird.. anyway, since they already came once.. yeah.. guess they wun say they wanna come again... hope so... it's not like they are not gd.. just yeah.. i dun like ppl or rather to say my frens to come to my house..**

3rd dec...
todae there's going to be napfa.. morning 9.30am met up with wind and br at clementi... went to holland.. den walked walked for our market research.. aniwae, after that may met up with us too.. and the three of us went around and scout the area.. hmm, after that, cab down to beauty world, den met up with our IEP advisor.. after meeting, we had mac lunch, before going off to walk, and going into a bookstore, where i got a book, "PS, I Love You" to read.. yeah.. hope to finish it soon.. =) though it's kindda lack of time now.. maybe i'll kill time by reading rather than slpin when travellin in the bus.. haha... aniwae, went for EOP lesson, den went for NAPFA.. sian sian.. the tester like kns one... not professional one.. anihow anihow oso can... dunno whether to sae she good or no good..

results for the 5 stations and the 2.4km..
Sit up - 35 (A)
Standing Broad Jump - 175 (C)
Sit & Reach - 33 (E)
Shuttle Run - 10.70 (A)
Incline Pull-up - 20 (A)
2.4km Run/Walk - 15.11 around there.. (C)

haha.. 2.4km.. never did i ran so fast before.. haha.. todae's timing is shocking.. hahaa..

2008-11-27T23:19:00.003+08:00

在下雨的夜晚里。。。

你能尽情地哭。。因为你知道没有人能分辨你脸上到底是雨还是泪。。
但是，一个人到底有多少眼泪。。一个人到底能在雨中哭多久。。

再强的人都有弱点。。你不是我的弱点，但你却能影响我。。
我不曾为你而哭，我也不会为你而哭。。因为你还不值得我为你流泪。。

我的不开心，有谁真的知道。。我不说不代表我没事。。
别把自己的想法套在我身上。。
我没有必要为你们而改变自己。。

[[想了好多。。不是我要的。。是你们逼我的。。在你们面前，我永远不是真正的我。。我永远不能做真正的我。。你们虽然说，不开心要讲，但是，你们到底有几次真的停下来，听我述说我的痛。。要每个人和我一起不开心，还是要自己默默承受，我选择了后者。。与其让“关心”我的人陪我难过。。陪我烦。。我倒不如自己装作没事，在没人的时候。。释放自己。。]]

《我对你们来说，根本不重要。。你们连最基本的尊重都不曾给过我，你们还要我怎样。。》

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《家人们。。拜托你们别让我绝望。。别让我放弃。。我真的思考了很多。。有很多不同的结论。。别让我做出会让你们惊讶，后悔的决定。。在我做出决定之前，请你们醒来吧。。知道我到底有多不开心。。别自己开心就好，别把眼前看见的当成现实。。否则当你们失去我时，你们别后悔。。》

2008-11-27T23:01:00.002+08:00

dunno how come la.. but seriously not veri happy at home this few daes.. ever since tuesdae when my mum went to clear my stuff.. i don't feel happy le.. ignored my parents, and my jie all day when i am at home.. hmm, seriously cannot stand them sometimes.. why isit always my fault? how come they don't ever think in my point of view, before they condemn mi.. before they put the blame on me..
last nite went out at 12am to mit mingliang.. cos he wanted to go jogging and cos he called mi at 11.50pm bah... end up like he made it sound like i veri bad if i din go.. so i cycled down la... den yeah.. was like raining a little.. but nvm la.. den after i reached den din reali rain le.. but yeah.. it started again at around 1am++.. den was like jog with him one round... den i stop le.. cos he stop.. den we sat under shelter.. cos raining again.. den after tt, he dun wan mi get drenched.. so he suggested i go off earli.. den he go home train sit up and all.. den it's like when i about to ride home, it rained.. so heavily.. den after tt.. i continued cycling without stop la.. under the heavy rain.. by the time i reached somewhere near my house, i was already totally drenched.. and cold.. but yeah.. thought about whether i shld directly go home or shld i go ride a little more before i go home and shower.. end up, rode around the neighbourhood.. den went home and took a shower, before i rested.. hais.. tot being under the rain would help mi think better.. tot that being drenched, i would have more courage to call... end up, nothing helped.. being under the rain onli helps to hide the tears.. when no one is able to differentiate between tears and raindrops.. u can cry all u want.. however.. how long can one cry.. when the pain is inflicted.. nth done can heal it.. the scar is always there..

todae went childcare for intervention.. after tt met melvin tan at 6.15pm.. den went bball.. freaking angry when i reached home.. realised that other things are also not in place.. den can't find something that was quite impt to me... den i angry la.. asked my jie about who touched the things, den she asked how come i have such a bad attitude.. if i come home to flare my temper, i might as well not come home.. please la.. i was definitely in better attitude before i came home and before i realised that the impt thing is missing la.. who would be in good mood when u realise something impt is gone... and u dunno where it is.. she sae my attitude since come home den nt good le.. i asked her then, wad was my attitude when i passed her the 2 envelops.. wad was my attitude when i told her where she could find the battery shaver for her bf.. jie's bf not bad la.. tt's y i helped to keep a lookout... and now tt i realise my things are missing, u still wan mi to be in good mood wor.. act as if i veri shuang isit.. STFU.. consider my feelings first.. think before u talk..

went down for bball.. vent my anger on my bball.. and a little on melvin.. den apologised to him a little while later, told him he quite kelian to have mi as god jie.. den he sae when i reali angry, i seriously look scary.. den i was like, "wad.. u wan mi to luff when i'm angry ar.. wouldn't it be worse" den he sae yeah.. he kept askin mi to chill.. but when u dun understand the thing, den u wun feel the anger..

never had dinner fer the nite.. did consider whether i shld go have it at 400+ with melvin anot.. yet din went.. since my mum din bothered.. since having a daughter like mi din matter.. might as well i die also nvm.. since no one care.. she might even be happier without me around.. without someone who gives her black face..

2008-11-27T22:55:00.000+08:00

Maslow Inventory Results

Physiological Needs (20%) you appear to have everything you need to survive physically.
Safety Needs (17%) you appear to have a very secure environment.
Love Needs (30%) you appear to be content with the quality of your social connections.
Esteem Needs (84%) you appear to have a low level of skill competence.
Self-Actualization (46%) you appear to have an average level of individual development.

Take Free Maslow Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

2008-11-25T20:24:00.003+08:00

Sat, 22 nov, went to woodlands for project meeting.. den after tt, went down to the heeren to support god bro for his teenage icon de finals... hmm, aniwae, reached there a little late, so missed his performance.. but anyway, i din mit up with the others becos i felt so lazy to go down and squeeze with the others... aniwae, yeah.. stayed around but din go and squeeze with them.. hmm, after that den i went downstairs buy teenage magazine and help support him.. den yeah.. end up makin my bag heavier.. nite time came back to yishun without waiting for the results, to meet up with Qinghui so that we can have dinner together becos she moving house the next dae.. hmm, finish dinner le den went walk walk with her lo.. walked around 200+ until about 10pm+ den went home bah... so tired when i reached home... haha..

Sun, 23 nov, woke up earli in the morning den did wad i'm supposed to do for my work, den helped my jie and her bf with the cookin of lunch, den went out to meet qinghui to help her shift house.. aniwae, her sis wasn't helpin her.... so i help lo.. who ask her to be "VIP".. aniwae, after helpin her shift house, with my jie and her bf's help, cos jie's bf help to drive us down, we went to hougang and found my aunt and cousin, and we went to tampiness IKEA together.. hmm, over there, i forgot how long we spent looking at the things.. walking around.. aniwae, tired la.. seriously dun like walkin around and shopping.. it doesn't suits mi.. den after walkin, we went changi for dinner.. den yeah.. had a sumptous dinner and den sent my aunt and cousin hm, den we went home.. on the way home, i also laid down on sofa in my jie's bf car, den i slept till i reached home.. haha.. it's so nice la.. comfortable..

mondae, 24 nov, todae went sch earli in the morning, den super tired la.. sians... 9am de lessons.. aniwae, yeah.. reached class den had lessons.. hmm, after sch le jiu cab to yishun, and went to the childcare.. den we did our research.. hmm, yeah.. details not to be disclosed.. haha =p

tuesdae, 25 nov, todae went sch earli in the morning too.. den had lessons.. the lecturer seriously like super gun.. talk non stop without slowing down de.. dunno whether she noe tt she shld gain understanding of whether we understand her lesson anot..but it does not seem so.. from the way she portrays it la.. aniwae, after sch went for lunch and then we took bus to yishun, den went to the childcare.. aniwae, yeah.. further details not to be disclosed.. after everything, walked to 200+ to find my mum.. den helped her carry things home.. but shit her la.. cleared away my stuff and put it into a box.. doesn't she noe tt she shld not touch my things.. whenever she touches my things.. i never finds what i need... F*CK!! super frustrated.. end up my jie also ask mi to stop... IDIOT!! they noe i dun like ppl touch my things.. end up they touch le den it's my fault, i got no rights to be angry la.. damnit.. jie's things also a lot.. also all over the place... not as if she got make an effort to clear it.. wad right does she have to touch my things!!

[[I'M TELLING YOU!! DON'T EVER TOUCH MY THINGS, I DON'T LIKE IT MEANS I DON'T LIKE IT!! IF I DON'T WANT TO CLEAR MY OWN THINGS, AND YOU CLEAR IT, EVERYTHING WILL BE BACK IN IT'S ORIGINAL PLACE BY TOMORROW... DON'T CHALLENGE ME TO IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF DOING! NO MATTER WHAT, YOU GOTTA LEARN HOW TO RESPECT ME... THIS GOES OUT TO MY DAD, MY MUM AND MY SIS.. JIE!! IF YOU WANT TO TOUCH MY THINGS, FIRST CLEAR YOUR OWN STUFF, IF NOT SHUT UP AND DON'T COMMENT ON MY ATTITUDE. THIS IS EDWINA AND I'VE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS... YOU KNOW IT.. DON'T FREAKINGLY SCOLD ME AND ACT AS THOUGH YOU'RE VERY RIGHT!! SHUT THE **** UP!! DON'T IRRITATE ME FURTHER... AND MUM!! I WILL SERIOUSLY PUT EVERYTHING BACK TO WHERE IT WAS, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU TRY TO CLEAR, EVERYTHING WILL BE BACK WHERE IT USED TO BE UNLESS I MAKE AN EFFORT TO CLEAR IT BY MYSELF!!]]

OTHERS WHO READ THIS... I'M VENTING OUT MY ANGER HERE.. DON'T LIKE READING, GET LOST.. DON'T TAG MI REGARDING THIS, COMMENTING ON MY ATTITUDE.. I DON'T NEED TO ACCOUNT TO ANYONE FOR THIS..

2008-11-19T22:00:00.002+08:00

t0: QingHui...

haha... specially dedicate this post to u neh... i veri good rite.. anyway, it's been some time since we meetup.. not wrong the last time is when we met on the bus on saturdae when i going for my project meeting.. haha..

somehow, i gotta admit.. usually to most things, i'm patient.. waitin for things, waiting for people, doing the same thing for a very long time.. but seems like recently i'm not as patient as i usually am.. and i don't noe the reason why.. i noe i nid more understanding.. higher tolerance.. but haha.. i think i nid time bah.. nid more time to develop understanding.. guess patience will also develop slowly bahs...

anyway, i dun think i shld hang on to too much hope already.. probably we'll return to normal... probably we'll not contact.. sometimes, i cant seem to understand him.. wad he is thinking.. so i guess i shan't carry on guessing.. let things flow accordingly lo... see how things would turn out..

《我不知道我对其他事情的耐心从哪里来。。我想对于他，我完全搞不清楚状况。。我完全不知道他到底在想些什么。。完全猜不透到底会有什么事发生。。或许我们会变回普通朋友吧。。或许我们不会再联络。。哈哈。。我不知道。。我和他的事情，一切都进展得太快，连我自己都不够快。。突然转过头来，才发现。。哈哈。。少见的笨蛋Edwina吧。。少见的迟钝Edwina吧。。少见的我。。连自己都不习惯。。》

2008-11-18T10:48:00.003+08:00

好想睡觉。。。好累。。我真的会垮的。。我需要足够的睡眠，但是每次一大清早就被吵醒。。。一旦被吵醒，我就睡不着了。。好讨厌哦。。

《我始终没有得到期待的答案。。不是说特别的期待。。但是我想，一个简单的简讯应该不算很多吧。。连一个简讯都很难回吗？我似乎连3分钟都不值。。》

你笑着说，他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔。。
我的不安，那么沉重
只有你不懂。。
他霸占了你的心中，属于我的角落
所以你说我们不是你和我。。
是我想太多，你总这样说，但你却没有，真的心疼我。。
是我想太多，我也这样说，这是唯一能安慰我的理由。。
他霸占了你的心中，属于我的角落
所以你说我们不是你和我。。
是我想太多，你总这样说，但你却没有，真的心疼我。。
是我想太多，我也这样说，这是唯一能安慰我的理由。。
我想我没有，错怪了什么
虽然你不说，都是错在我
太晚我才懂爱了你太多
是我想太多，你总这样说，但你却没有，真的心疼我。。
是我想太多，我也这样说，这是唯一能安慰我的理由。。

2008-11-18T09:25:00.003+08:00

17th nov.. went to sch for career talk.. hmm, alright bahs.. onli the mindchamps part was interesting.... KU a little boring... den NTUC onli the last part, Lucky draw more fun nia... other than that all sians... nth new.. aniwae, had buffet lunch... den at around 3pm, we had Ben & Jerry's ice-cream.. haha... tt was free... all the food for the dae was being sponsored.. haha... aniwae, yeah.. got one guy, whom i dunno who la... was like sitting beside us when we ate.. den he somemore started a conversation with dunno wad topic la.. so weird.. haha... aniwae, we just ate lo.. heck care.. haha... after career talk den went home le.. so tired..

hais.. 18th nov.. todae we meeting our advisor at 4pm.. suppose to bring along my new born "Tom and Jerry".. so end up staying up to finish drawing those pictures.. hais.. actually wasn't supposed to stay up late de.. cos i reached home earli... but then even though i spent at least 3hrs drawing after i reached home... i kept erasing whatever i draw, becos it always looked so unproportionate... canot stand it... not sayin that i got high expectation or wad... but it's just like this.... it's either i don't draw at all.. if not i will try my best to draw everything properly.... wad for draw things that even myself do not feel tt it's nice... when u cant convince urself.. u cant convince the others...

last nite did the drawing till todae morning around 4am.... super tired.. slept at around 4.30am near to 5am... den todae morning 8.30am my mum went "koo-koo-koo"... like rooster lidat... woke mi up while i'm still so tired... i wanted to continue slping.. but for those who know mi.. they will noe tt when i wake up.. it's hard for mi to slp back.. end up here i am... awake... feelin veri tired.. but brushed teeth and ate things.. hais.. i wan to slp... but i cant...

2008-11-16T17:07:00.003+08:00

lazy to post about this two days.. since nothing happened..

17th Nov.. which is tomorrow.. so sian cos tomorrow from 10.30am to 3pm we have career talk.. then we don't have any choice but to go for it.. anyway, initially we thought of meeting our advisor at 9am but it seems like she down with flu and fever, that's why we postponed our meeting till tuesday at 4pm.. haha...

anyway, tomorrow is also another more significant day.. though the current me now does not really feel anything much for tomorrow... i don't know how come, but this month passed kindda quickly, and me, being overwhelmed by school work, work and projects.. managed to put things at the back of my mind.. haha.. =D yeah.. i guess it's kindda good for me when flooded with assignments bahs.. haha... somehow.. it's useful one way or another..

说重要，明天也没有很重要。。我想现在重要的是功课和工作！！没办法，我似乎自找麻烦，为什么会把公事带回家做呢？又没有多余的钱。。哈哈。。似乎很“见钱眼开”$.$ 的感觉。。哈哈。。没办法。。我正努力存钱，我希望能够在毕业后出国旅行。。。

“他不知道生命中还有没有东西值得他去珍惜，我读了后很想问，我算不算一个值得被他珍惜的人？可能我真的对他没什么影响吧。。毕竟我做出的任何决定，他似乎都没话说。。如果开始后，还是会如同没开始一样，那为什么我要开始呢。。我宁愿回到什么都不是的时候，至少那时的我，知道我属于哪得地位。。”

2008-11-14T18:32:00.002+08:00

lazy lazy to post.. can say i'm busy with sch work... can also say i'm plain lazy to post things..

aniwae, the more major things.. mondae and tuesdae... ASSIGNMENTS due.. but after tt.. life was better.. wed nothing big happened.. 3hrs break spent at convention centre there to do decorations for our Project Getz-P which is on thursday!! haha... aniwae, that stupid cleaner auntie once again went to lock up the toilet.. end up even when we need the toilet, we gotta either use the handicap toilet or the toilet at another area.. den when the cleaner auntie came back.. she like damn stupid la.. scold us again sae we make the area dirty.. den sae what after that got event.. den we make the area so messy.. idiot la.. everytime push the blame on us.. hais.. hate it sia.. then todae we also weren't as good as we were in year 1.. we just shouted back to the auntie.. sae everydae also got event, show us evidence la.. hais.. no reason also lock up the toilet, we already never go complain le lo.. wad for she make a fuss out of things when we din even start complaining.. aniwae, shuting also blast the auntie lo.. haha.. she deserved it.. she think we dun say anithing den we good to bully ar.. think twice next time..

aniwae, yeah.. thursdae.. Project-Getz P.. met up in the morning at 9am... but traveled to woodlands to mit xiaofong even before tt.. cos she volunteered to help mi carry the coconuts.. haha.. stupid.. thou i dun wan to admit.. 6 coconuts together.. is heavy... hahaa... aniwae, yeah.. shall kindda post more photos regarding the event.. hahaa.. after the whole thing, we went to lib to do things.. den after tt 5pm reached workplace... den started working from 5 to about 9pm.. hmm, aniwae, the time when i spent working, i did like many different things la.. den was so fun.. haha... other than having a little more things to do... working there though is tiring, but it's not stressful... haha.. =) it's still quite fun... haha. first time i brought work home to continue doing.. haha.. shall finish it up soon and email it to Ivy..

fridae.. todae is a sian sian dae... first.. cos tired with workin ytd.. woke up earli but no mood to wake up... den after tt advisor called us.. den sae wan change time for consultation.. but yeah.. everything went well.. todae also late for lesson.. like suppose to mit at 10am.. den 11am lesson.. den i reach like 11.15am la.. damn stupid... canot stand myself.. hais.. aniwae, yeah... i'm advance ms santa.... but when i went to pass money to another fren.. i was so unlucky la.. i fell down and hurt my elbow.. lucky i strong.. stood up and just carried on walking.. freakin sia.. walk also can fall down leh.. somemore it is nt even like raining.. totally no reason for mi to fall.. eventually.. i came to tis conclusion.. i'm unlucky.. practically dumb.. dun even noe how to walk properly thou i'm 19yrs old.. haha.. todae xiaofong also saded.. cos her thumbdrive got prob... hais... hope can manage to help her find source to solve the problem with the thumbdrive.. so tt she can retrieve her work and so tt she wun be as sad anymore.. =)

2008-11-09T16:01:00.002+08:00

3rd Nov..
Melvin Tan's and Cheng lian's birthdae.. aniwae, yeah.. todae went to sch earli in the morning.. den lessons ended at 4pm... hmm, nothing much bahs.. hmm, sians.. after tt den din reali do anything.. haha..

5th Nv..
Caron's birthdae.. but morning time went to school earli in the morning to afternoon.. den after tt went to work.. hais.. so tired.. hahaa.. really tired.. i mean when u finish studying and u go work.. though it kinddda became a routine for me, it's still tiring... haha.. somemore, todae work rite.. not inside office, but is outside the office, cos there is an event going on, so i was helpin out like running everywhere.. and like ran from the CC to MRT station to get batt and all.. hahaa.. aniwae, though it was tired, it was a fun day.. hahaa..

6th Nov..
xuefang's and hassimah's birthdae.. haha.. happy birthdae to them.. haha.. aniwae, todae got class.. so yeah.. went to class early in the morning, den tis yr, i din sabo xuefang in class.. hahaa.. one of the years, when i lazy to sabo ppl.. haha..

7th Nov..
went to work todae.. haha.. got a list of things that i'm required to do.. haha.. but yeah.. managed to finish all of it by ard 5+pm.. after tt, the tutors came in, so i went out to help out.. set up the rooms and all.. kept running up and down.. lol.. but yeah.. it was rather fun because i've stayed in the office for the whole dae.. haha.. tt's y.. moving around suits mi more.. aniwae, nite time after i got off from work, took mrt to woodlands to mit jie and bro.. den after tt went to have ajisen together.. haha.. it was jie de treat.. haha... after tt went to pasar malam to walk walk.. haha.. so tired la... walkin around with heavy bag, and laptop... haha..

8th Nov..
Idayu's birthdae todae.. haha.. aniwae, todae is meetin dae... den yeah.. went to TPY.. den after that yeah.. settled some things.. den our group fer IEP now left with 4 person.. hmm, things are better left unsaid... aniwae, after tt went to TPY central.. den walk walk and shop around.. den yeah.. it's together with baoru and my jie.. yeah.. had fun together.. hmm, aniwae, yeah.. after tt went to fetch mum and dad back from the airport.. was like waited for 1hr.. den like dad and mum still took so long to come out la... hais.. dunno wad to sae about them.. aniwae, when we reached home.. haha. i quarreled with them... and then they left mi alone.. hais.. stupid la.. i tired after a whole dae le still irritate me.. haha.. jia lart.. first dae come home den kana scolding frm mi.. cant stand it.. but yeah.. nite time still around 12am den slp... so sians..

2008-11-02T19:03:00.005+08:00

haha.. posting some pics to replace the words.. let the pics talk.. =)

haha.. someone drew this for me.. nice rite.. haha... i so good.. go support their fundraising.. haha.. X) haha..

met up with Xiao Fong at KAP for mac breakfast.. so yeah.. we took this..
Xiao Fong with Ronald McDonald..
The tigger "caught" by me and BaoRu..

BaoRu and me at Suntec City.. Fountain of Wealth... haha.. reminded by XiaoFong.. haha.. thanks thanks.. =p.. sorry for i have poor memory..

anyway, for more pictures.. related to our haloween night at the Singapore Night Safari.. do click:

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/_lbzTLtn7Alg9WQRdUSwdQ

2008-11-02T18:23:00.002+08:00

1st nov.. woke up in the morning with a fever, sore throat and running nose.. hais.. i'm reali sick.. but i still went directly to shower and then prepared and left my house to go for project meetup... hmm, supposingly we were to meet at 10am.. but i went late... cos i overslept.. so sorry.. hais.. hmm, aniwae, after heading there, midway turned to the opp line, and went to woodlands, republic poly.. haha.. went there to kindda find a place and sit down first, den waited for them to come lo.. since NLB no place for us to sit... aniwae, yeah.. xiaofong thoughtfully called and asked whether i wanted anything for lunch anot.. haha.. but yeah.. ate two bun le.. so din nid anything more for the time being.. haha.. thanks for much.. haha... aniwae, yeah.. did till ard 3-4 den we quite brain block le.. haha... so i let them play with facebook de game.. haha.. they also cute la.. play till veri funny.. haha.. aniwae, yeah.. enjoyed...

nite time finished with sch work.. den went out to mit melvin tan and ivan for dinner.. which was like at 10pm la.... din wan to go de.. den melvin like ask ask.. den i dun pangseh so i go la.. so sians.. haha.. aniwae, ended up leaving ard 3am.. den reaching home at 4am cos stayed under the blk to chat with fren on fone... haha.. middle of the nite at 3-4am... haha.. weird rite.. aniwae, yeah.. ard 5.30am den slp.. haha.. till now la.. morning time 10am woke up.. den yeah.. slack... do housework... slack.. television.. slack.. blog.. haha.. weird life rite.. always waiting for the last min to get busy.. wad am i doing.. hais...

long long long long post..

2008-11-02T16:39:00.004+08:00

haha.. been some time since i last updated.. haha.. anyway... just gg thru briefly..

28th oct damn fed up.. was like went to sch earli in the morning.. lessons all was alright.. until when class ended at 1pm and i went for lunch with may before meeting up with waihan to go over to childcare.. anyway, we met up becos we're going to the childcare to do some observation... and it's like.. we reached ard 4pm, when the children celebrated their birthday and then yah.. there was two of them.. haha.. anyway, so tired.. but it was fun to be back in the centre again.. haha.. anyway, after observation was done, we also stayed ard until it was ard 7pm where all the children went home then we went off together with the teachers.. anyway, it was like shit la.. assignment posted online was to be done by 10pm.. when i did and pressed save... it looked like it wasn't saved la.. meaning my attendance wun be taken... felt so shitty after tt for the whole night.. to add on to this idiotic feeling.. there was like another assignment due the next day... but yeah.. damn F**K up.. end up scolding everyone who talked to me at home, which included my mum, my bro and lastly, my dad, when he came to ask me what happened..

29th oct.. nothing much bahs.. today went to sch.. feeling very bu shuang becos of ytd.. anyway, yeah.. was like no mood for anything.. hais.. still feeling pissed off.. hmm, anyway, after tt cos sch got blood donation drive, so i went to donate blood together with xiaofong and shuting.. end up onli mi and shuting can donate.. haha.. xiaofong suffering from anemia.. so she cant donate, if not she will faint.. haha.. anyway, donation of blood is a bit funny... haha... the nurse who tended to mi like scared la.. ask mi dun look at her poke the needle in, haha.. when i'm one tt feels safer to look, she ask mi not to look.. hais.. haha.. anyway, just in case she poke the wrong vein, i looked elsewhere and allowed her to insert the needle.. haha.. evening time when i took out the bandage on my hand, there was this stupid headache and dizzy spell casted on me.. nearly fainted outside the childcare.. luckily got the teachers from the first childcare.. gave mi water and asked one little girl to help mi massage my back... den went home time i ok le...
**first time i feel so conscious although i felt like fainting, first time faint, only know knock my head on the floor den nth le.. but tt time noe what exactly is happening, and like can really see stars.. seriously..**

30th OCT!! RISHINA DE LEON's BIRTHDAE!! haha.. first time after 7years.. i finally wished her happy birthdae.. haha.. cos lost contact since sec 1.. so no choice.. haha.. aniwae, yeah.. today mornin meet up with xiaofong and went to sch together.. cos we going to have some breakfast first before we go and look for lib bk.. haha. so i went down to woodlands to mit her.. anyway, after sch, went to work la.. hmm, went back to AECES @ Yew Tee.. haha.. aniwae, it's nice working there.. super fun.. haha.. kept luffing and all.. haha.. aniwae, yeah.. they having their orientation todae for two classes, so we ended up preparing the things that they needed.. haha.. anyway, i was also called the little angel there le.. haha... cos i managed to help solve some problem.. haha.. jia lart.. haha.. little angel sounds so weird.. sounds so not edwina.. haha.. aniwae, worked till ard 8pm den left the work place..

31st Oct... Halloween ar.. haha.. morning went to sch for lessons as usual and then headed down to work lo.. normal routine le.. hais.. feeling a little sick.. stupid xuefang passed the flu virus ard... tt's y ended up i oso got sore throat and flu.. hais.. aniwae, yeah.. todae work like i feel so bad... working and dozing off.. working then playing game for awhile to make myself not fall aslp.. haha.. aniwae, yeah.. like i wasted a lot of time la.. din finish what they needed mi to do.. hais... feel so bad.. haha.. aniwae, yeah.. after working like ard 7.45pm i left work place to go take train to woodlands to mit up with shuting and baoru.. haha.. cos they wanted to go night safari... cos it's HALOWEEN.. haha.. so sians!!!! i'm like the onli one in the universe who would go to night safari with a big school bag and a big laptop.. haha.. so weird rite.. guess no one else would do tt... haha.. aniwae, yeah.. ended up having fun over there.. and yeah.. reached home at 1230am bah.. hahaa.. den talked to my parents le jiu went shower and went to slp... wanted to do things de.. but too tired le.. canot make it...

to be cont'd bah.. too long le.. lol...

2008-10-27T01:21:00.003+08:00

went out to mit with serena and suwanno.. cos they are at the mama shop very near to my house.. haha.. so finished wad i was doing and shower den went down to mit them.. lol... crap a lot.. den after tt went to mit Qinghui for dinner.. she damn KANASAI de.. really... everytime dunno wad to eat or cant decide wad and where to eat den will find mi out.. hmm, make mi think of it and decide it for her.. lol.. aniwae, so bad rite.. everytime throw mi this kind of question.. aniwae, todae dinner time eat till veri full.. really veri veri full.. haha.. after tt walk back.. to the mama shop.. haha.. tt shop is Iec0n.. den over there.. serena is the Asst CEO lah... haha.. cos her mum is the CEO.. lol.. aniwae, we crapped over there.. and yeah.. chatted a little at the table near there, den until abt 11.30pm den i reached home.. haha.. needed the toilet so badly.. haha..

aniwae, guess shan't slp much tonight since i already caught up with my slping time todae afternoon... haha.. was so sleepy and no one disturb.. so i just slept from ard 1pm till ard 3pm den i woke up le.. haha.. though i slept for so little hours.. i'm like woke up realizing that i have two miss calls la.. one is a withheld number.. so heck care cos there's nth i can do about it... den the other one is one number which i'm totally unfamiliar... haha.. so i oso heck care.. if that person got impt things nid to find mi.. she/he would call again.. lol.. aniwae, i din bothered to call back aniwae.. so PEOPLE... nid mi den call mi again.. if u're the one who left mi the miss call lahs.. and PS.. not i dun wan to listen.. i sleeping so dun even noe u called.. ;P

*may forwarded mi e email.. lol.. see liao dunno how i shld feel... good? or bad? i dunno.. i just smile at the email den dunno how i shld really react to it.. lol.. do we wan our work to be published? haha.. sounds like great.. but isit reali tt great? i believe they do have better choice wad.. lol.. cant help but doubt.. haha.. random post*

2008-10-26T09:50:00.002+08:00

25th Oct..

PPIS-YWMA Childcare Graduation Concert.. lol.. went there in the morning.. then when I reached Singapore Polytechnic's Auditorium.. I'm like the cool one lahs.. All the children from PRC1 came and TEACHER EDWINA!! Then they all gave me hugs, and it's everyone hugged me together, making me nearly fall.. I realized then, that I'm so guilty.. I forgot most of their names already, and I have to rely on their name tag to remember all of them.. Children from the K1 class and Nursery class too... I've FORGOTTEN their name.. ALL.. and totally clueless when I tried figuring it out.. OH MY.. It's only been a month.. Anyway, after being overwhelmed by the hug that the K2 gave me, I diverted their attention to WaiHan.. (see i'm not stingy).. I asked them to give her a hug too... and ended up, Wai Han also couldn't stand properly.. haha.. This shows how powerful the children can be.. hehee... =))

After that, came home.. so tired... ate up the things that i got back.. and then started with doing my IEP work.. hope can faster finish..

26th Oct..
Today must firstly wish two person the best birthdae they would ever have... first is my Cynthia oie~!! and second is my dear.. Chuan tian!! - by mentioning dear.. haha.. he IS one little dear of mine.. lol... currently 4 yrs old bah... the first child whom i did my observation on.. the child whom until now i still keep in contact and still plays with him.. =)) hahaa.. and wad to sae about cynthia.. she's my buddy when we went to HANOI!! lol.. spent lots of great times playing and all together.. even till now.. it's still great.. =))

PS: CYNTHIA OIE!!!! let's all work hard towards GRADUATION!! we'll definitely make it de =))

2008-10-23T23:39:00.003+08:00

hais... first time i reali feel the stress running over me.. or rather to say.. sweeping me away..

林俊杰 - 我还想她
泪水将我淹没到底谁该难过
究竟是谁放掉这段感情
我才终于明白办不到的承诺就成了枷锁
现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她我不爱她笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎狠了心说真心谎话
别告诉她我还想她忍痛比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口就让沉默代替所有回答

我才终于明白办不到的承诺就成了枷锁
现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她我不爱她笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎狠了心说真心谎话
别告诉她我还想她忍痛比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口就让沉默代替所有回答

我不爱我不痛我不懂
我的心早已掏空
真心话言不由衷

请告诉她我不爱她笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎狠了心说真心谎话
别告诉她我还想她忍痛比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口就让沉默代替所有回答

别告诉她我还想她就让沉默代替所有回答

personally i think this is a veri nice song.. hmm, listened to it once on the radio.. and yeah.. it left such a great impact.. aniwae, yeah.. i just like this song... so here i am posting the lyrics.. u can try listening.. it's seriously not bad..

2008-10-22T22:26:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MINGLIANG!! bet he's going to ask mi for presents if i sms him.. lol.. but i guess i shall msg him lo.. send him wishes bah.. since he is like 21.. if i din remember wrongly... lol..

todae went to school earli in the morning for lesson... it's like so damn tiring.. aniwae, when i packd my bag, i was like going all the way.. shit!! haha.. it's like damn heavy lah.. not lying.. reali reali heavy.. lol.. tonns of books and then must bring laptop (mean adaptor too), den bringing pants somemore cos gg joggin with the others after sch.. lol.. somehow i wonder whether i'm finding extra things to keep mi busy.. wonderin why i'm like so tired, and yet i get involved in so many things.. workin in AECES.. exercising with classmates to train for NAPFA... den somemore still nid to work on assignments.. hais.. seriously dunno wad i'm thinking about.. gg home time like shit.. traffic damn slow... until i slp in the bus, wake up, slp again, wake up again, i still not out of the expressway yet... imagine.. lol.. aniwae, after tt met up with my mum and dad for dinner.. den gt the guy like damn stupid.. ask us whether wan to order water like ask in such a soft voice.. even i talk normally also louder than him.. den when i asked him hw much it is, he also like talk until it's so soft.. wonderin whether he is trying to talk to us or is he just tellin himself the ans for the qns tt i ask... when he went away, i stil tell my mum lo.. damn stupid guy.. talk so soft.. talking to himself isit.. like even a girl like mi also talk louder than him.. so scared den go stay at home la.. big uncle liao act till lidat.. make mi irritated onli..

tink i'm trying hard to dig my own's grave bah.. workin like dunno wad.. den slpin like so little everydae.. seriously dunno wad i'm trying to do.. i think i will reali die veri soon.. sometimes i do hope so.. lol... aniwae, if i ever do, i guess my onli regret would be dyin earli causin parents to be sad.. haha.. nth else bah..

*nt like tryin to prepare speech for dying.. nt like i want to commit suicide.. just tot tt this stupid routine tt i am having would shorten my lifespan... lol.. i guess i'll change.. i stil dun have e intention to die yet.. at least not without graduating after i studied so hard for like 3 yrs.. lol*

2008-10-22T07:04:00.002+08:00

Found this song nice.. so just recommending it..
Why - Avril Lavigne

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even when you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

2008-10-22T06:27:00.002+08:00

this period of time is so hectic.. so tiring.. anyway... it's about...

Friday.. went to school... had lessons.. had bonding session after that with Momo club members.. den been so tired.. evening time solved problem.. den went to childcare centre played with the kids... hmm, they help mi destress... nth more..

Saturday went work at infant care centre.. damn tired... 7.30am must reach neh.. aniwae, todae did with shermaine.. quite nice la.. relax environment.. onli gt 3 children.. haha... aniwae, yeah.. did the routine and then after work.. met up with mum and went to find jacket for her taiwan trip.. lol.. she got one.. one red one tt makes her look like elmo.. haha..

Sunday went out with BR.. hmm, watched movie connected.. haha.. not bad.. quite nice and worth watching.. after tt went to eat.. den was walkin around den at a machine.. both of us combined our "powers" and then gt a tigger.. lol.. shall post tt cute tigger pic up somedae.. aniwae, yeah.. after tt went home, cos BR nid to go tuition.. aniwae, just when i abt to reach hm, mum call.. sae aunt at my hse, in the end, i dun wan go home, so slacked outside with melvin till 1am den reach home.. haha.. by tt time, aunt slept already..

Mondae went sch as usual.. nth much.. just tired.. cos lecturer gt the ability to hypnotize mi la... no choice.. cant stand it.. keep eatin sourplum le still can slp.. made till my temper so bad.. cos slpy but cant slp.. return back to yishun liao jiu went out to mit jieyi and sista.. haha.. so long nv see sista le.. he definitely grew sideways.. lol.. aniwae, jieyi tried to picture mi and sister together.. but the conclusion is that mi and him knew each other too long le.. it's almost impossible for tt to happen.. lol.. and sista had the same conclusion... like both of us noe each other too well le.. being together would be very hard.. aniwae, after tt went home.. had a good chat on msn..

Tuesday.. went sch.. lessons till 1pm.. den off to take bus den yeah.. went to CCK lot 1.. hate tt area, so hard to find my way to go buy food... stupid.. (actually it's mi also la.. stupid mi haven figure out the way yet.. so shall blame CCK).. aniwae, went to get myself mac.. den took bus to yew tee cc to work.. frm 2pm work till like 7pm+ den went home la.. so tired.. after workin still helped to packet dinner back home fer mum, mi and bro... den like everything was so heavy la.. cos i borrowed books frm AECES somemore.. lol.. broke the rules... borrow more than the amt of bks stated on the limitations.. lol.. but luckily part timer gt privillege.. lol.. aniwae nite time super tired... had dinner le started on a little more reading.. haven finish IEP yet somemore.. gues this two nites would be burn on doing it.. =( i'm so tired..

*probably i will quit the job of workin at the infant care centre.. maybe that would make life slightly easier for me.. AECES tt side, Ivy also asked whether i could go down on a regular basis.. so i was wonderin.. how regular can i be.. i dun wan to commit and make promises while i canot make it.. hmm, they also asked whether i would be able to help them find extra full time admin asst.. and also like whether i can help them update their websites.. lol.. guess.. i'll think about it..*

"it's a little hard to juggle everything... though working at AECES if fun.. the aftereffects are tiring... haha... sometimes i reali wonder whether i shld just quit everything.. quit everywhere.. stop working and focus of studying.. i dun nid all this extra income.... i'm still nt tt hard up for money.. it's jus tt.. haha... aniwae, i guess i'll continue.. let's just gain some exp and then.. yeah.. i oso cant just sae i want to quit and quit everywhere... i'm nt tt irresponsible.. lol =p"

2008-10-16T08:38:00.002+08:00

15th october...
t0dae it's like went to sch by myself and i reached at ard 8.30am... lol.. quite earli rite.. the journey was smooth all the way bahs.. so there's no way i could actually be late.. haha... aniwae, reached school and then went to cheers.. xiaofong then called me to ask where i am, and then she came to find mi in cheers, as she also bought a packet of milk..

anyway, went for classes anyway, after all of us met up.. then it's like we walked to class... and we were once of the earliest.. haha.. it was Geraldine's class.. so don't dare to be late for it.. if late den jialart.. haha.. but afterall, her lessons wasn't as bad, and as scary as we thought, i was actually quite fun, and i guess i should really start updating myself with the services provided in singapore and i think i shld realli pay attention to whatever things that was said in the class, in case she pops up with another quiz for us to do in class... though i might have gt 4/8, which is just nice a pass, i guess i should not use this to be too compliant.. i must work hard.. 3hrs break followed, and we went to west mall.. they wanted to eat Subway.. so i accommodated to it.. hahaa.. din eat it before, so wasn't aware about what was available.. aniwae, ate it with water all along, wasn't used to the taste of the sauce and all... guess for myself, i wouldn't try Subway again.. lol.. after eating, we went to take a walk in west mall.. and eventually went back to school for another 2hrs of lessons, which i guessed was not reali tt bad.. though the start of the lesson wasn't as great..

aniwae, went home after tt, and realise there are a lot of those pri sch kids near the field area, and they were like asked whether i could lend them $1.50 for them to go and buy water.. i was like... i lend u wor.. how u going to return mi... den he was like sayin to ask mi to go down tml at 6pm where he would be there training.. hahaa.. u think i believe ar... lol.. still can hagger the price somemore, from lend till treat.. from treat to lending $1 onli.. lol.. no money den next time bring mineral water.. lol.. until ard my blk area, another little boi sae, ''eh gerl. gt 60cents can lend anot..'' den i was like no la.. got den i lend the little boii at the back le.. stupid la.. kids nowadays all wan good life without any effort put in... kns lo... can just go ard askin strangers, "eh.. can give mi money / can lend mi money to buy water anot"... what the heck is happening in this world..

nite time slept quite earli.. but ended up wakin up at 12am cos too cold.. den jie went out with her bf fer dinner, and not soon later, my god bro called and ask whether i was able to go down and have a chat with him.. in the end, i went down lo.. haha. though i was abt to go back to slp.. lol... tt's y i sae i'm almost available for 24/7.. other than the times when i'm in deep sleep and cant be awaken in any situation (only happens when i'm reali tired out).. haha... 3.40am den reached home bahs... and then since we walked and we talked, i wasn't reali tt slpy.. so i used my com till it was around 6am den i slept.. 6.30am.. dad came to wake mi up, asked whether i'm studyin earli anot.. but nope.. so i continue slping.. freakin fone rang at 7.30am.. cos of alarm.. ignored it.. kept snoozing also.. so i ignored it.. until when it was like 8.30am when my jie reali shake mi up, den now here i am, typin tis post.. haha.. so tired.. and sleepy... guess i shld reali replenish my slp tonite... lol..

2008-10-14T17:41:00.002+08:00

hmm, just some update with regards to school bahs.. hmm.. ... ...
13th Oct is mondae and it's a school dae.. hmm, first dae of sch reopen den i no mood le.. so sians... from 12 night den nv slp le.. chat all the way till 13th morning around 4.15am with a fren on msn.. then yeah.. till when she needed to go then i went to rest.. hmm, aniwae, sch lesson for todae starts at 9am.. and i'd probably wake up at ard 5.30am to shower?? so.. u can imagine.. i slept at ard 4.30am.. and woke up at 5.30am.. aniwae, it was tiring, but yeah.. i feel so happy that all the tiredness is forgotten.. hahaa.. =D aniwae, reached sch at 8am (when lesson starts at 9am la.. and when i mittin my fren 0830..) aniwae, one going to be slightly late cos there is a jam, then other the others also reached at ard the same time lo.. though xuefang was the second to reach after me, as she met up with xinyi for breakfast.. hmm, aniwae, yeah... class till 4pm.. veri sians.. IEP introduced on the first dae.. stress liao... after sch went out with br and xuefang, hmm, went to BPP.. so slacked there a little.. hmm, then after tt ard 7 towards 8pm, acc br bus back to woodlands, though i have 171 tt i can take to go back to yishun.. hmm, then chatted with br and then we went hm after tt..

*1hr of sleep.. and i went to school for lessons.. felt so proud of myself when i did not feel sleepy or dozed off in the first two lessons.. though it was a little tired when it came to the third class, as the teacher was like crapping all the shit which i did not understand at all.. and more importantly, we (me, shuting and xiaofong) were like writing on my notebook... cos we were all so bored.. i don't like that teacher, want us buy book, but stupid until never tell us the title.. want us to guess ar... buy wrong how.. she pay us back meh.. hmm, den after tt.. keep talking and talking.. but heck care lahs.. i don't even know what the shit is she talking about.. waste my time only.. *

14 october..
todae lesson also start at 9am... den as i went there on my own, i reached at ard 8.45am.. den i found the others at the bus stop.. hmm, todae was also late for class.. cos we waited for br.. as she was stuck in a traffic jam.. hmm, aniwae, luckily it's the first lecture, so nth much were being commented.. hmm, aniwae, todae's lesson till 1pm onli.. had a small dispute over where we should have our lunch... but in the end, it's decided that we would go over to alumi to eat.. and so we did.. todae wendy also joined us in our lunch.. haha.. and we chatted lo... after tt went off.. br took bus with mi to amk... cos i nid to go submit my photocopied copy of my IC and then yeah.. we chatted until when br need to leave for her tuition.. haha.. nice chattin.. hahaa... aniwae, after tt went back yishun den went to pay the bill for my mum.. haha.. den headed hm nw, where i'm doing the typing currently.. haha..

**SIANS!! today class really cannot stand it lahs.. talk talk talk but don't understand what the lecturer are trying to say.. hmm, all say no need to copy notes, but like never provide then u let us copy lahs.. if not i sleep for you to see next time ar.. and hor.. i very tired arhs.. cannot stand it le.. sleeping so little this two days.. wanted to continue chatting online, which i guess i can if i see her online, but i guess it's really going to make me look like a zombie when i go to school..**

2008-10-13T23:50:00.001+08:00

shall remove away all posts with relation to it ok.. i dun wan to think about it anymore.. so just dun ask mi qns... i'm fed up already.. nth helps.. so just dun ASK!! dun PROBE!!

2008-10-13T00:56:00.002+08:00

been posting a lot.. but this is not a sad one.. i'm extremely happy.. and i'm telling the truth...

i finally got accepted by this friend... FINALLY... long lost friend for 7 years... she still remembers me.. she noes where i stay... remembers our primary school.. lol.. and she remembers our fun time when we go cycling and all... haha.. so HAPPY!! even her brother is shocked to noe tt i managed to find her online..

it's now 1.04am... and it's 1.04pm in New Jersey... hehe.. guess for her, it's alright to chat.. but for me, it seems a little late.. haha.. but i'll continue to chat.. lol.. even if it means to have no sleeping time... haha... finally gettin back in touch.. something to reali keep my mind of the things that is troubling me now.. ;p

i'm a coward to use this as a reason to escape... but it's too good a reason to not use.... haha..

*no words can describe what i'm feeling now... troubles are being thrown far away.. so none shall worry for me.. *

2008-10-12T22:51:00.002+08:00

hmm, todae went to Qinghui's house in the afternoon to eat her mum and her cooking.. hahaa.. her mum cooked curry chicken and she cooked something like grilled potato wrapped with bacon... haha.. had a veri sumptous and full meal.. haha... so cute la... everytime is i get to try their cookin, while they did not reali get the chance to try mine.. lol... feelin guilty.. aniwae, i think qinghui also told her mum that i dun dare to take too spicy food, therefore, the curry being cooked was still in the acceptable range where i din reali have running nose and tearing.. hahaa... after eating, den slack in qinghui's hse.. den onli left when it's about to be 7pm.... den went to buy mango juice and then walked hm.. nite time went out to have dinner with dad and bro.. den after eatin, was like came home and used com.. den bro finally ard and we chatted.. hais.. it's like everydae we see each other, but nowadays, we rarely sit down and reali chat.. hais.. how sad..

aniwae, i finally found the person i was lookin fer in facebook.. i'm so happy.. happily waiting to be accepted as fren.. but it's hopefully she accept it fast.. lol.. after lost contact for like 7yrs.. i mean.. it's hard to not be anxious when u finally had some hope.. haha.. hopefully everything goes well..

relocating the long lost fren is indeed a veri happy thing for me.. for now, i just dun wan to think of anithing else, but just to find tt fren.. haha... it's keep my mood good..

sch is reopening tomorrow.. and the first lesson is at 9am.. lol.. i gotta leave my hse like early lahs.. hais.. sians half already.. however, i guess i'll enjoy my last sem.. since i nid to go to sch everydae, and i dun have time to care about anything else.. lol =)

**school reopening is also a very good excuse to use towards not picking up calls.. don't ask why i don't want to pick up calls.. it's simply because i respect the lecturers too much that i don't want to disrupt their lessons.. lol.. sounds as though i'm a very good student, haha.. in actual fact, everyone knows i'm not.. hahaa... **

2008-10-10T22:33:00.002+08:00

Today's my last day of officially working in AECES during holidays period.. haha.. Though it was a seriously tiring day.. It was full of fun and laughter.. hahaa.. and when i sae full of fun and laughter.. i'm serious about it.. lol.. there were like so many things to do, though i was a little slack during the morning period of time, because ivy was using the com, so i helped in preparing the student handbooks and all.. lol.. after tt, ivy switched to another computer, so i used her computer and i started typing out the schedule for DPT E6 de second semester.. haha.. as that semester drags all the way to 30 may 2010.. I stopped at dec 09 because i did not have the calenders of the dates of public holidays in 2010.. hahaa.. after tt we went for lunch at around 1.30pm.. hahaa.. cos both ivy and guat har was soo busy, that they could not stop for lunch until ard 1.30pm when they were reali hungry.. lol.. aniwae, we went to CCK lot 1, and they treated me to Ajisen.. and there, i drank my first cup (one-third cup) of ice lemon tea.. not bad.. at least not as bad as i tot i was.. after the first time where i accidentally drank a sip which made mi hate ice lemon tea... hahaa... after lunch when we went back, it was reali havoc.. haha.. we did so many things, and i kept making mistakes, though it wasn't big mistakes.. but i still got to repeat doing the same thing again correctly lahs.. haha.. jialart rite... do le den redo.. again and again.. but it was fun la.. cos another colleague, guat har, a very nice and fun person, also made mistakes.. lol.. cos it was her first time typing tt letter.. den there was like always mistakes made.. so we were laughing becos she killed a lot of trees.. haha..

aniwae, todae thought a lot during work.... hmm, still wasn't feeling tt well too.. den ivy sae.. "xiao mei ar.. must drink more water hor.." haha.. cos when i talked to her, from gt sound talk until no sound came out, even though i was still talkin.. haha.... all becos of my sore throat larhs.. aniwae, i like being flooded with work though it was reali tiring.. i also like workin becos it's a reali good excuse to use when i dun reali wan to ans fone calls.. haha.. cos i'm seriously working.. so i cant pick up calls frm no where..

''今天，我说了我会当缩头乌龟，因为我没有理性去思考问题，所以我想选择逃避。。这招还挺管用的。。虽然我最后还是没有完全人间蒸发，因为我还是回复了那些找我的人，但是我到了最后还是逃避了会令我头痛的烦恼。。虽然逃避不能解决问题，但是，因为快要开学了，所以我拥有了新的一个借口。。我想。。直到我想清楚后，我才会认真地面对这个问题，否则我会继续做我的乌龟，躲在我最安全的壳里面。。''

2008-10-10T06:53:00.003+08:00

First... I got over it already... So that's why I am blogging here again..

Anyway, shall just talk more about the recent events that have happened... 3rd October 2008... IT'S the biggest day for my friend, Qinghui.. So I asked her out on the 2nd October night and I treated her to dinner.. Anyway, I need to SAY a very BIG "SORRY" first... Because, I was the one who suggested to meet, and yet I was late due to the termination of TRAINS!! I seriously didn't know that there would be so many trains terminating at Yew Tee at that period of time.. hais.. Anyway, after we met up, we went to eat.. and to chat (that's for sure.. since it's been some time..) Hmm, after that, we went to FairPrice extra to walk, because Qinghui especially enjoyed walking within supermarkets.. Hahaa..

9th October.. Today is my dearest cousin, Jiamin's, birthday... She's finally 13 year olds... Anyway, she's my dearest cousin because she used to stay in my house and got babysitted by my mum, so, as she grew up, we were on very good terms.. Hahaa... Today went to work as usual, bored because I got a scare in the morning.. My handphone's back cover dropped out.. And I nearly couldn't find it... Was like went back from Yew Tee community club to the MRT station, and to all the places that I have walked before.. After I FOUND it.. And as I was so happy about it.. I realized I was late for work.. Luckily.. The other colleagues working there are very good.. And she told me it's alright.. Lunch time, I was being treated to lunch as Celina (one of the colleague, a very good one who've been taking care of me..) as she said that it would be the last day that she would see me working there, as she would not be coming today.. After that, we went back and worked, and then I continued working.. working.. and WORKING.. Hmm, after this, Ivy also came into the office and then Guat Har also came in.. =) Though we kept working, working there was fun.. It was not as bored as to always be sitting on the chair in front of the computer and keep typing, there was many other things that I was asked to do, and during the times where we were working, we were also always chatting, and like laughing around.. =p... around 4.20pm, Celina went off first because she had lessons on, then, I sat at her place and helped to wrap presents for Ms Lucy, Ms Chong and Mrs Choo.. Haha.. It's not a personal gift, because it's something from AECES and it's a gift to thank them for the help rendered during the Childcare Seminar.. haha... 5.15pm I got off work, and then started travelling to Thomson plaze because I was going to meet Lucy there.. Haha.. In the end, I went to take a walk in the Fairprice Finest, as Lucy haven't reached the place when I reached.. After that, Lucy also wanted to treat me to dinner, but since I squeezed a treat from my mum, and since I was feeling quite awkward to eat with her and her son, I went home after I passed the book to her.. =p.. After dinner... Went out to meet a friend.. Then we chatted until around 1am then I went home.. It was so tiring...